The Egyptian's Wife

Don't talk to me about hijab

2011-05-20T19:48:00.004-06:00

Let me start by saying that I am a fan of hijab. I wear hijab. I believe that hijab is mandatory, and I think any efforts to keep women from wearing it are wrong. So don't think this is a post about how hijab is not relavent anymore, because that is a seperate subject. I'm just afraid that Muslims and non-Muslims alike have inflated the importance of hijab way too much. We have made it the key to a woman's piety. A prerequisite for calling yourself a Muslim woman. And (this get where you get ready to reach under your abaya to take off your shoe and throw it at me) I just don't think hijab is all that important. Yes, that's right. I said hijab is not that important.

Lets put that statement in perspective a little. Why would I say that? Well, because there are so many other things in the religion that should be taking precedence over the issue of attire. 5 big ones that I can think of, the pillars of Islam. Why when a woman makes shahada are we all over the topic of whether or not she will wear hijab and no one ever asks if she needs help with learning salat? Maybe memorising a few surahs? Did anyone ever ask a new brother whether or not he would grow a beard and cluck their tongue disapprovingly when he said he wasn't ready yet? Did anyone ever question a brother about whether or not he was still Muslim when he shaved his beard?

So here's my radical idea. Stop talking about it. Throw hijab out of the conversational mix. Stop making it a part of what you talk to non-Muslims about. Of course they will ask, but don't get stuck on the subject. And PLEASE don't get all philosophical and start using metaphors. God said wear it, so I do. Simple and to the point. Because if you keep things in perspective you'll realise it's a subject that's taking away from the things we should be talking about.

Maybe it's just me here... But I feel like when Muslim women is the topic of conversation hijab is the focus. That's wrong, it's not the way hijab was meant to work. It was meant to let people see us as honorable and pious women and take "maybe I could hook up with her" out of the equation. But I would go so far as saying it isn't even accomplishing that anymore. Humans send many non-verbal signals, and our young ladies who wear hijab can certainly send the message of availability with or without hijab. Of course that's no reason to say it doesn't send the message of modesty anymore... But it can be said that wearing hijab doesn't make you modest, your behavior does that.

That's my message here mostly I guess. There was a time when women dressed modestly in general, no matter what their faith was. Women covered their heads, didn't show their body. That was the societal norm. So I imagine (and I could be wrong here) that hijab as it is practiced in Arab cultures was not really shocking. It probably wasn't even worth talking about because all the people around them were fairly modest too. Jump to now, where the societal norm is mini-skirts and suddenly Muslim women really stand out. Hence, hijab is the most visible thing about Islam and it gets talked about a lot. Too much in my opinion. How many people know about hijab but have no idea we believe in the same one god as the Christians and Jews for example? I'm not claiming I know how to solve this, or suggesting we all go burn our scarves in protest... But I think it's something we all need to think about and try to overcome.

As usual, just food for thought here. I'm no scholar.

Convert Truths, Blog Carnival

2011-01-15T15:05:00.005-07:00

When I saw this post I knew I had to throw my hat in the ring... Not just because I have always thought of the blogger as a kindred spirit, but because it's a topic I have been interested in recently too. I have been blogging since 2005, and I'd say things have changed a lot in my life... But then when I went back to look on the archives to see when I started my blog, I found that the oldest post was this post about not fitting in at the masjid and I just about fell over. Because here I am 6 years later about to tell you the exact same thing! I'd like to say that I decided to take the post in an entirely new direction because why rehash what's already been said, but I'd be lying to you. This issue is still very near and dear to me, so I think it merits revisiting.

Before I was Muslim I actually did attend church, I was a Sunday school teacher as a matter of fact. And I was also a vocal performer in college... So I sang at churches frequently. It may interest you to know that the minister at the church I worked at wanted to keep me on as the childcare coordinator. But after me showing up on Easter Sunday in hijab, other church members complained and I resigned. Anyway... Just an interesting back story. What I'm trying to talk about it mosques, and my experiences with them as a convert. I bring up my experiences as a Christian because obviously that's what I have to compare it to.

I have always had a problem with the cliquish nature of the masjid experience, and even after so many years as a Muslim I haven't been able to get past it. It feels way to much like the high school cafeteria for me to be comfortable there. So, for the most part I just avoid going to the mosque. Now before you shout haram, hear me out and give me a chance to explain why. In my opinion, if going to a religious institution does not enhance your religious experience there is no reason for you to go to it. And if going to a religious institution actually makes you question your chosen faith, run away and don't look back. One of the things I love about Islam is the fact that your connection with God requires no intermediaries. Now I am not so uneducated that I don't know the rewards for praying in congregation, but I think a certain amount of common sense can be used in these matters. How many converts you know have been driven away from the religion by people in the community? Food for thought.

On a personal level, I have walked away from the mosque crying. I have cowered in my car wondering if I would be turned away at the door. I have been treated with disrespect. I have been ignored. I have been marginalised. And I have gotten to a point where I just expect it. So you get it. I hate the mosque, it means nothing to me. I will go out on a limb here and say I think my experience is shared by not a few other converts, but the majority of us. Going even further out on a limb... I think it's also the experience of even born Muslims raised here in the US. And I think it's about time that drives us to action.

Our mosques are not a reflection of who we are as a diverse, educated, forward thinking community. That has to change! I know from my conversations with other Muslims that we are all thinking ahead, wondering what the community will be like in 10-15-20 years. But we leave it at wondering. We are dropping the proverbial ball here sisters and brothers. We are hating the mosque and the community and not putting forth the effort to create something that really represents us as we are. I wish I knew why that is. I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that we are afraid we will be called the k word if we ever question the way things are. And there is some truth to that.

So I say, forget the guy in the jilbab who gets his panties in a bunch every time you talk about changing something at the mosque. We need our own mosques. I'm not sure what you would call them, reformed? Definitely not progressive (but that's another post). They would be open for everyone. People would be welcomed, there would be a special new shahada committee to help converts. There would be a youth group, and a mother's group. And no one would get asked how many raka are in the isha prayer before they entered. As a matter of fact non-Muslims would be invited regularly and be given an opportunity to see that Islam is not a members only club where you have to know the secret handshake to get in... We are a religion accepting new and different people all the time. Did I mention the charity work? I think it should have a soup kitchen and a homeless shelter. Maybe even a free clinic! Wouldn't that be great?

Muslims... What makes me sad is not that we are a mess and we seem so disorganised and hostile to outsiders. It's that we even seem that way to ourselves. We have got to change that. There are great moderate Muslims out there, we just have to unite. If you know me you have probably heard me say this in 100 different ways 100 different times; until we accept each other, we can't ask people to accept us.

Sex and Islam

2010-10-08T13:50:00.003-06:00

You're listening now? Or maybe you are on the phone to the haram police frantically giving them this web address. A twitter convo (you know who you are) got me thinking about sex-ed and sex in the Muslim world, and just how messed up it can all get. And seeing as I have an 11 year old now, it's a topic that is on my radar right now anyway.

So what I want to say is 2 fold: first what should we be teaching our kids and why, second what should the average Muslim's attitude about sex be vs what it is now?

Let's start on the same page here. Let's start with the basic agreement that all aspects of our culture are saturated in sex. From the billboards you drive by on the way to school to the TV (even family programing)that you watch in the evenings, they are all full of sexual content. You don't have to go further than the Disney channels pre-teen programs to know that sex and dating are on the minds of even the youngest kids. The racy photos of Disney stars are proof that they know the dollar value of being sexy and are racing towards adulthood at break-neck speed. Lets also agree that none of this means sex is bad. Or that being sexy makes you a slut. Or that liking sex makes you a whore. Sex is like driving... If you do it before you are old enough and have your license it's bad, but after that no one faults you for it. And to extend the metaphor, you only drive your car... You follow the rules of the road and you will find that driving is useful and enjoyable, a vital part of being independent for many of us.

So, knowing that... When should we teach kids about sex? How? What exactly should we talk about? Well, I say let the kids lead. And they know all about how cool and fun sex can be from the world around them already by maybe 12 at the latest. So, I think you have to start talking to kids about the reproductive system and all the changes that will be happening in your body by about age 10. I would go even younger if you have reason to suspect that they may go through puberty early. There are plenty of great books out there that you could use, and it's important to know what you are talking about when you get into this discussion. Then, not all at once you can start talking to them about the other aspects of sex. Use the openings where you see them, maybe a scene in a movie is a good chance to say how even though watching sex isn't appropriate, when you are married these are things you will enjoy with your partner. I have been open with my kids about the birth process, and I think that falls into that category. It's a good chance to tell your kids who are old enough how pregnancy happens and what giving birth is really like. I seriously doubt that anyone ever fell into sin because they couldn't stop thinking about what their father told them about how babies are made. Really. And he same goes for birth control and STDs. We know from abstinence only education that kids aren't put off by not talking about sex. They just learn how to technically stay a virgin. Which is just more reason that we should be frank if you ask me. Yes, there is something called oral-sex and it feels great... But you can't do it until you are married. Yes, you can give a guy a hand-job in the school parking lot... But that is not OK. These conservative people have taught us that there is danger in omission. So I'm not for it.

I guess my main view is that I don't want my son's education to come from the porn industry. It's not a realistic view of a male female relationship, and I certainly don't want my son to think his wife will be like an actress in one of those movies. So it's my job to moderate all the wild fantasy in movies and locker rooms with a dose of the reality. But, I want them to know that there is exploration to be done too. Just not before they are married. And I don't think this conversation can wait until the engagement party, not in the world we live in.

As for the Muslim world and our view of sex... Unfortunately, I think it's pretty screwed up. Men are up all night watching porn on the dish and then they go to wives who are still being conditioned to think of sex as dirty and everyone suffers. Now I think sex is an issue in any marriage, something you have to work on. It takes a frankness and lack of shame to tell even your spouse what you want, what turns you on. And having this attitude that sex is dirty and shameful makes it hard to talk about those things even in the context of marriage. Men and women have a fundamentally different view of it to start with. We look at as a chance for deepening intimacy and men look at it as a recreational sport. But we can meet in the middle. IF and only IF we get rid of the idea that Islam discouraging sex outside of marriage and Islam discouraging sex are the same thing. They are not. Men are told to go to their wives as they wish, and advised not to just ride their wives like bulls but instead to play with them. So when did sex become dirty? And how are we daring to throw women who have been sheltered from anything sexual into marriages with men who have been viewing porn (and I think that pretty much all men) since puberty? Well, I think that in trying to discourage sex outside of marriage many parts of the Muslim community opted to just plain discourage sex. It was complicated to separate the two, to make rules... Or was it? I come back to the car analogy. No one would let a 12 year old drive. No one would let even a 30 old drive if they didn't have a license, but we don't discourage driving or prevent people from learning about it for fear that they will do it without a license. Where this analogy fails is that sex is private, no one knows but you if you are violating the license. So of course we are more likely to do it. That's where the consequences and the information comes in.

Teaching people about sex can really help them enjoy it when they do get married. Not teaching them doesn't really prevent the experimenting biology drives us to do, it just makes us ashamed of our sexuality. So in my mind the way forward for the Muslim world is to teach our children about sex. In the time of the prophet people would have known about it because they lived in close quarters and people in the past were just more frank and open about it. Definitely children would have seen birth and animals mating... So they knew more. Now we live in a more closed society that is bombarding you with only half the story about sex, the good part, and ignoring the complex reality of it. Balance people, balance in all things... So the more we have thrown at us, the more we have to balance it. You can't ignore it, not with any good result, and throwing out sex-ed is ignoring it. The key to having a good sex life and preventing pre-marital sex are the same to me. INFORMATION.

I might come back to refine this post later... But I just wanted to give you all something hot out of the mental oven so to speak. Some food for thought. OK, you can call the haram police now if you'd like. I think I'm ready to defend myself.

Growing into Islam

2010-09-23T23:00:00.002-06:00

I have been trying to define Islam for myself since I converted, almost 13 years ago. Sometimes I feel like Islam is an over-sized sweater I am hoping to wear once I grow into it. And like many converts, finding my niche has eluded me. This comes out as anger at the ummah, anger at the born Muslims, anger at the robots that have inhabited the brains of many fellow converts forcing them to parrot culture and Islam as if they were the same thing. I know this sounds trite, and maybe you think I'm just stating the obvious here... But being a convert is a struggle for me. Not because I am not smart enough to learn the deen, not because I don't speak Arabic, not because I have doubts about the truth of Islam... But because it just is.

Somehow I think that part of it is rooted in the fact that being "religious" at all seems sort of hoaky to me, forced. I have always been a believer, but I have never been an ecstatic born-again type believer. To me there is a personal element to faith that makes proclaiming oneself anything feel a little strange. Now I know we should be proud to be Muslim, and we should be sharing it with others... But somehow sharing feels more like defending in my case. It's different when we are around lots of Muslims, but most of the time I am pretty isolated. However, even among born-Muslims I have some feeling that I am defending my belief, in that case not the faith itself but my true adherence to/ belief in it. Which is a different problem, But it carries the same burden.

It is a rarity for me to go somewhere and feel like, "Yes, these people get me!". Other Americans are pretty sure I'm crazy and probably brain-washed by my Muslim husband, and converts often don't seem to come at the religion from the same place as I do. I became Muslim before I ever knew my husband you see, before I really knew many Muslims at all. And that makes me a little different. I see things without the lens of a culture really because when I came to Islam I came to ISLAM, not the Egyptian Islam, or the Saudi Islam, or the Pakistani Islam. Pause and consider this for a minute. If you are from a large community where people tend to divide off into groups based on ethnicity, it will start to make sense to you. In these groups you can see that people are comfortable because they all agree on a certain version of Islam. Now, I'm not saying this is right or wrong... Maybe their ideas are correct, but right or wrong they all share the same basic ideas.

Converts don't have the luxury of assuming anything. If you are married you can fall back on your husbands culture, otherwise you are on your own. So the question that we have to ask ourselves is, "How can I be Muslim and American?" and "How much of what I considered my personality, my habits, myself, have to change now that I am Muslim?". Unfortunately all the love you get at your shahada... All the sisters saying masha'Allah with tears in their eyes, won't help you with that. You are on your own. Completely. Utterly. And being on your own is lonely.

Now before you think this is a poor me life is hard post, I want to say that this can also be a real blessing. Because you are not culturally biased and you have not grown up thinking something is Islam when it isn't, you don't suffer from re-examining your entire upbringing. You don't have to go though family members telling you you are insane when you correct something you have been doing your entire life. I can't imagine how some first generation hijabis feel, for example. You can just safely split your life into two categories, "before I was Muslim", and "after I became Muslim". But how does this help you define Islam for yourself you ask? Well, it doesn't but I just want you to see I'm not all gloom and doom.

When I first converted this categorizing things seemed to go to an extreme. I rejected things I loved because people told me that was Islam. Somehow harder seemed to be more devout, so I welcomed the challenge. I gave up music, I stopped wearing make-up and western clothes. I even started trying to eat the foods I saw other Muslims eating. Now, don't laugh... Many of us converts go through this phase, and I was unmarried and had no Muslim family. Now, there are so many things about me that have changed. I have opened myself up to accepting the things I like and want and really pursuing the question of whether or not these things are permissible for me.

I want to clarify here, that I don't think you should go "shiekh shopping" or seek people until you find the fatwa you want. I just think if you really miss music, be honest and seek the answers about why it was forbidden, and under what circumstances. If you love animals and miss your dog Fido that you had as a child... Seriously pursue an answer to the whole reasoning behind dogs being unclean, and what that means in regards to owning one. Is everything you are denying yourself based on authentic information? You owe it to yourself to find out.

So what have I decided about who I am as a Muslim after 13 years? Well, I think I'm more liberal now than I was before. I have decided that moderate Islam is actually more Islamic many times. Islam is easy, right? Because as narrated by Ibn Mas’ud: The Prophet said, “Ruined are those who insist on hardship in matters of the Faith.” He repeated this three times. (Muslim) Also, I try not to judge other people concerning where they are in their journey because as narrated ‘Aishah: Allah’s Messenger said, “Allah is Kind and He loves kindness, and confers upon kindness which He does not confer upon severity, and does not confer upon any thing besides it (kindness).” (Muslim) I guess what I'm saying is for me, I am at peace with the fact that I am Muslim by religion, and American by birth. I still like to watch movies, go to the spa... And all the things I did before. I also haven't changed the way I feel about many things that might seem un-Islamic. But that's part of who I am. I had an identity that I brought with me to the religion, and it didn't change. I'm me, only now I'm Muslim.

So I hope that other converts can come to that place. That they can see whoever they are and whatever they are doing is FINE. As long as you are striving to please Allah, forget the people around you! The struggle with yourself is the greatest jihad. Don't feel like you aren't a good Muslim because you aren't like the Muslims around you; because sometimes, the exact opposite might be true.

Quick, grab the AED! Call 911!

2010-09-03T14:01:00.002-06:00

OK, so maybe that's a little dramatic... I have let this blog go for so long that I fear it may be terminal. Hopefully it can be revived with the proper first aid. If you know me, you know I've got a million things going on, but I have been missing blogging... So here I am. I have so many ideas for posts floating around in my head you wouldn't believe. Or maybe you would because you see I'm kinda long winded and I like to talk. Whatever the case, I'm back on the blog, hoping to post more frequently if anyone out there is still reading!

Now that sounds familiar...

2010-03-09T23:03:00.004-07:00

I am at a seminar for early childhood teachers right now, Lifeways. It's Waldorf based if you haven't heard me say that 100x's already. Today we covered diversity, and a little analysis of how children come into their own ethnic identity through adolescence really struck a cord for me. "But why UmmLayla??? You're a white girl?" you say? Because I think that converts go through the same stages to some degree when they accept Islam. OK, maybe I'm crazy here... But I think you will see the similarity. It's like by accepting Islam puts you back to that struggle with identity that we all go through as a teen... What do you think? See if you agree:

Stage 1: Conformity
Description:
Preference for the values and norms of the dominant culture
Strong desire to assimilate into the dominate culture
Negative self-deprecating attitudes toward themselves and their racial group
Attitudes toward the dominant group are positive
Denial
-How that applies to the convert: This is the stage when you first convert (so Islam will be the dominant culture here) and you are trying to fit in desperately. You do whatever you see the "Muslims" do because you think it must be right and good. This is the stage where you shop at the Arab markets even if you don't really know what to do with what you buy there. This is also the stage where you develop a negative attitude about the "kafir" and complain about your "kafir" relatives frequently. You also the reject input from more moderate Muslims assuming they are just being influenced by living in the land of the "kafir".

Stage 2: Dissonance
Description:
Individual begins to question pro-dominate culture attitude and behaviors
Individuals alternate between self- and group-appreciation and deprecating attitudes and behaviors
Confusion
-For converts this is a stage where you just might lose the whole converting thing. You have started to see that Muslims and Islam may very well be different things. But you still want to be a "good Muslim" by the standard of the community and are unsure about rebelling against the things you are starting to see as flaws in the fabric of Muslim culture.

Stage 3: Resistance and Immersion
Description:
Individuals embrace their own racial/ethnic group completely
Blind endorsement of one's group and all the values/attitudes attributed to the group
Individuals accept racism and oppression as a reality
Rejection of the values and norms associated with the dominant group
Empathic understanding and an overpowering ethnocentric bias
-This is where you wake up one day and say to yourself... "Hey, I know I'm Muslim, but I happen to be (insert racial identity here) too!" You then commence eating copious amounts of the foods you grew up with for iftar unless you just feel like middle eastern food that night. Now, I'm not suggesting that this means you reject Islam... This is where you start to reject the culture surrounding it. You can now look at Islam vs Muslims, and probably by now you've decided that non-Muslims are not evil... Hey, you were one yourself. And oh yeah, it's totally OK to admit you miss x-mas and all the other things you grew up doing. But hey, it's all part of the personal struggle that is your deen, right? This is the stage where you may go to the extreme of deciding that all born Muslims have never really explored their deen and all they know is "Muslim culture".

Stage 4: Introspection
Description:
Individuals develop a security in their racial identity that allows questioning of rigid Resistance attitudes
Re-direct anger/negativity toward dominant culture to exploration of individual and group identity issues
Conflict between allegiance to one's own ethnic group and issues of personal autonomy
Individuals acknowledge there is variation amongst all groups of people
-Getting to this one is a little harder, but I assert that many converts make it there because we are all working on ourselves (that's probably why we converted in the first place). This is where you leave your whole history and "Muslim culture" behind and try to forge a new you... The Muslim you. The person that is an amalgam of all the good parts you can glean from both worlds. There are bad days, because you see you aren't really a member of either group and you now need to form your own identity as an individual. You now see that hanging with other converts is no more a solution than avoiding born-Muslims, you find individuals you like in both groups.

Stage 5: Synergetic Articulation and Awareness
Description:
Characterized by a sense of self fulfillment with regard to racial identity, confident and secure
Desire to eliminate all forms of oppression
High level of positive regard toward self and toward one's group
Respect and appreciation for other racial/cultural groups
Openness to constructive elements of the dominant culture
-This is the final stage... But it doesn't mean you can't go back to an earlier stage again later. Maybe you have a great experience and reach this for a short time... Maybe you are super-cool and you feel like this all the time. This is where you finally peel back all the layers of your original cultural identity and glean things you find useful from the "cultural Muslims". Now you can focus on the religion without getting caught in all the cultural aspects, internal and external.

New ideas around our house...

2010-01-01T00:12:00.005-07:00

I have been reading my notebook from the Waldorf seminar I went to (Lifeways) and I have been inspired to make some changes around my home. One of the articles that really struck me was about wearing aprons. Now, I know, it sounds silly... But I have been wearing the apron I made that you see pictured above, and I think my attitude changes. You have a uniform, and like any uniform it helps you get your head in the game. I have long heard programs about getting organised and extolling the virtues of getting up and getting dressed every day. Don't hang around in your PJs and expect to get things done. In my mind the apron takes it to another level. Now you are dressed and ready for a very specific job, nurturing your family. So in my epic struggle to be a better mom, wife and homemaker... I will count the apron as a small step in the right direction.

The other thing I have been trying to do is get more whole foods into my children's diet. DH has his tastes... So it's hard to do in my family because he won't eat it. Once again at the Lifeways training I had the opportunity to learn about a great way to get more whole grains and veggies into your lunch menu. Enter the new permanent resident in my kitchen, the rice cooker. I have been using it to cook different grains and then I saute some veggies and mix them in... Lunch is served. The good thing about it is that it's quick. In maybe 20 minutes prep time I have a nice lunch ready. This week... Rice with onion, zucchini and tomato. Millet with onion, sweet potato and spinach. Quinoa with onion, cucumber and tomato. All by cooking the grain with 1 cup grain to 2 1/2 cups water and then sauteing the veggies and tossing them in once the grain has finished cooking. It's a revelation! Whole grains without the fuss... And I haven't ever been big on lunch meats or chicken nuggets, so this is perfect for lunch. I'm planning on sending the kids to school with it next week!

So there you go... We have had a fun winter break, and I have gotten some things done around the house that I have been meaning to get to for a long time, which feels great. I have purged the kids rooms. I am down to a much simpler environment for them. I kept a kitchen and a wooden dollhouse plus two cloth dolls for the 3 year old. And the boys have legos and some army toys. My older girl has a couple of stuffed animals and her art supplies. And collectively they share a dress up chest. I have told myself no more mediocre toys that just become clutter from now on. If it doesn't foster creative play, why would I buy it? It's a work in progress. I want to make their beds nicer, and maybe rearrange their desks... But it's getting there!

We have been making things too. Felt balls and tie dyed shirts. Both were fun projects. Although I hate working with gloves, so my hands are still green from the dye!LOL There is a great tutorial on making felt balls (although I do it a little differently) at www.crunchyparent.com. And for tie dye I recommend checking out www.dharmatrading.com for anything and everything you need.

I hope the new year is good for everyone... Talk to you all again soon!

2009-12-24T14:03:00.001-07:00

Visit UmmLayla's Bookshelf

Please join my book group if you like to read. It's basically an online book club, check it out!

My nano wrap up post

2009-11-30T12:02:00.003-07:00

So nanowrimo is officially over, and I am still writing as of noon on the 30th, but have already validated. I am planning on finishing and re-doing the word count once I get to the actual end of the novel... Which I'm thinking needs another 3k or so words. I have learned many things in this month... Such as: the more you write the easier it is... I can actually find something to write 2000 words about every day... and the most shocking of all, DH is very supportive of my writing. You have to know DH and his snarky nature to know that he would tell me if he thought I was just a silly woman writing a silly book. He actually likes the story and has been great about pushing me to go write when I am behind on my word-count, masha'Allah. Whoda thunk it?

So here is my official synopsis and excerpt from the nano page on my novel:

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Synopsis:

An American Muslim working as a teacher in an Islamic school and raising her three children is confounded when her husband's trip home to Cairo pushes her head-first into a plural marriage. Her engineer husband is as surprised as she is by this development, but a strong connection with his new neighbor in Cairo makes him take this path. The second wife is of an age where she has given up on getting married and in spite of reservations about becoming a second wife she accepts and enters into this new family.

They soon enter into a strange domestic dance that involves rivalry, pain, betrayal and eventually friendship.

Excerpt:

My body must weigh 1000 pounds. I can’t get up, I can’t speak. The cat jumps onto the couch and lays on my yarn, I just leave her. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to rip his balls off. But wait, wait. Is Kareema confused? Is she reading into this situation? Of course. She would never make that call unless she was sure. Unless he had talked to her about it specifically. Of course he talked to her about it specifically. Shit.

“Kids, just get ready for bed and go to your rooms when the movie is over, OK?” I say, and I rush upstairs to my room. Once I get there I’m not even sure if I should be angry or upset. I start crying, those horrible hiccuping sobs that catch in your throat and make your chest hurt. I feel like I am going to explode. What an asshole. The first time we are apart for more than a week and he does this? I knew he believed in polygyny, but actually marrying again? I guess he's lucky he’s across the ocean right now because if he was in the room I’d hit him square in the face.

I try to breathe deeply. I try to control the sobbing. The feeling that I’m too heavy is still there. And when I close my eyes it's like I’m on a tilt-a-whirl. Puking is a real possibility. So is setting his belongings on fire. Maybe changing the locks and sending him divorce papers via Fed-Ex. You see Muslim women don’t delude themselves about sister-wife, one big happy in the celestial kingdom… Polygyny is a man’s right and a woman’s test. In my estimation it’s also a mans test because there is such an emphasis on fairness with your wives, but that‘s another subject. And leave it to an engineer to be confident that he can do the math on fairness in marriage.

Now what am I supposed to do? Call him and get it over with, wait for him to call me, never speak to him again. All these seem like arguable options at this point. I take a few Tums from the dresser and chew them angrily. I need to take the day off tomorrow, does “just found out my husband is marrying again” fall under the family and medical leave act? I sure hope so.

And I thought I had no traditions!

2009-11-22T07:55:00.002-07:00

With Eid coming up it has occurred to me that I can stop complaining because I DO have Eid traditions even though I think I don't. Here they are in all thier glory:

1) The Eid "argument with my SIL about Eid activities" where I discuss the merits of "Amazing Jake's" as an appropriate Eid activity. You see, I came from a warm family time and holiday dinners background and an indoor amusement park just doesn't scream holidays to me... Not to mention it's EXPENSIVE when you have 4 kids.

2) The traditional "Denver or Laramie debate" where we decide whether or not to drive three hours to Colorado and when.

3) The ever enjoyable "rush to do all the laundry and clean the house" which is an international tradition enjoyed by all Muslimahs before Eid.

4) The traditional "What will the kids wear for Eid?" which usually means DH promising we will go to Ft Collins to shop until it is too late to do an internet order and I have to figure something out with what I already have as far as clothes.

5) My Eid "plan to cook more than humanly possible under the circumstances" where I make a menu that would require three of me to make and then shop for it, resulting in an overrun fridge and only part of my menu getting cooked.

6) The "get off your ass and get dressed for the Eid prayer" where I try to prod my DH who works nights and is usually just drifting off at that time to get dressed, shower and attend the Eid prayer with the family. I usually lose this battle and just end up making myself late.

So you see, I do have traditions! And I'm sure that just brushes the surface of the traditions I actually have! Ahhh, fun times my dears, fun times!

I am sooooo EXCITED!!!

2009-10-28T16:43:00.002-06:00

How psyched am I to know that for a week I will get to go to a Waldorf childcare seminar with the author of the above book, which I read when Layla was a baby! It's part of a program called Lifeways... And if you are interested in Waldorf for young children you should check them out. http://www.lifewaysnorthamerica.org/ I got the curriculum for the Lifeways course I am enrolling in and I am just so excited to learn more and hear ideas from people doing what I hope to do with my program! I can't wait! The big debate right now is how staying in Boulder during the program is going to look. I don't know if I will be there and DH will stay here with the kids or if we will all go and DH will hang out with the kids during the seminar. Anyway, however it works out I am so happy to have found this at such a perfect time, alhamdulilah. I feel like I've been blessed with this preschool idea... Every time I start to struggle something comes along that eases the burden. I feel like this will give me some real perspective on accomplishing my goals with my program.

Writing and other stuff...

2009-10-26T14:08:00.002-06:00

If you follow me on Twitter or friend me on facebook you already know that my current obsession is Nanowrimo. I have started outlining my plot and am chomping at the bit to get writing.

The daycare is coming along and in prep for going back to work I am trying to get the house under control. I said trying, not succeeding. One of my brainstorms was to have the kids each have only one dish (a big shallow bowl) and they are to was it and eat out of it all day. I got the dishes and wrote names on the sides and showed the kids to wash them. Only to find my sink clogged with cereal since the 6yo forgot the throw your food in the trash can part. So much for saving time in the kitchen!LOL Seriously, I think once they get used to it it will be helpful.

I am also researching Waldorf schools and was happy to find someone running a preschool in Boulder that I can visit sometime, insha'Allah. I also think I will enroll in a national program for Waldorf educators that I found. It takes about a year, and I think it would be worth it.

We are down to the final things in the daycare, and my yard is my current project. We have a cedar play-set and I am looking into using landscaping elements to make a "natural" playground. Hype and craziness aside... It's a cool idea. I like the way you can use hills and tree stumps to make play areas, and I think the simple natural look is what I need with the Waldorf inspired curriculum. I am looking into having rabbit hutches in the yard too. I would love to have chickens, but apparently birds in general carry disease and are to be nowhere in the vicinity. I hope to work around that, but for now bunnies are fine.

Other than that???? Well the usual. I have thoughts, I'd love to talk about Mubarak and setting up his son for the presidency (if you can call it that still)... I am fighting a 3 million dollar daycare being built by a local millionaire with state money (like he couldn't pay for it himself)... And of course I am struggling to keep my sanity with 4 kids (5 if you include my DH).

So I hope to see some of you out there doing nanowrimo. If you are my name is ummlayla, make me your writing buddy!

I still love my blog...

2009-10-12T16:11:00.004-06:00

I have been neglecting the whole blogging scene due to lack of time. I try to read the blogs I love and comment... But sometimes I just don't have time! WAHHH! So I am neglecting my poor little blog it seems.

What's going on with me and mine lately... All 6 of us apparently have Type A influenza, which means most likely the dreaded H1N1 virus. It hasn't been that bad really, masha'Allah. It does mean that the kids are taking a week off school and we are all under voluntary house arrest. I did some online shopping, we made chicken soup and beef broth and ate it with rice and boiled potatoes almost every day!LOL

Also, the construction for the daycare is really progressing now. Insha'Allah we are only a month away from opening. Of course you just never know and we aren't committed to a date yet.

I am still working on the podcast. I have been trying to get a good take which doesn't seem to be happening. I am sleepy if I get up and try to do it before anyone wakes up and then if I try to do it in the afternoon or evening someone always bugs me. I will get it up eventually!LOL

I have been twittering away. I think I'm addicted!LOL I like it because interesting things come up in a compact format. Just sound bites that lead to more thought on the subject. I follow some authors and I love how ordinary their tweets are... It makes me feel like they aren't so high above really, anyone can write.

Speaking of which, I hope someone out there will join me in National Novel Writing Month this November. I did the novel in the month thing once before and had fun with it. I think doing it in November will be even better, insha'Allah. Drop me a comment if you are at all interested, maybe if you are hedging I can talk you into it!LOL The whole idea of doing it in November is the working together.

On the creative front... I have many many UFO's (unfinished objects for those of you who don't speak craftinese) that I keep promising to work on. One of the cool things about having four kids is that sometimes if the intended recipient outgrows something before it's finished I can give it to the next kiddo. Oh, come on crafters out there don't act like you never had a sweater on the needles in a size four when your kid was a size six, I know your secrets!LOL I also plan to make some skirts for my 3yo, she likes these girly girl things and I saw a little tutu inspired skirt on the Hanna Andersson site that just begged me to copy it. Also, I want to make some sweaters that are messed up into little wool leggings and skirts, insha'Allah. toddler clothes are quick and fun, and they can't complain about not liking something *insert evil laugh here*.

So if anyone is still with me, I miss you all *sniff, sniff*. I will blog more as we settle into a routine with all the school and swimming and violin and what-not. And of course once things settle with the daycare. Oh, and if anyone knows the blogger American Muslim Writer please keep her in your dua... Her last post suggested that she is going through a tough time and she hasn't posted since. I'm worried about her.

Salams!

Internet Narcs, here's something new for you...

2009-09-16T21:44:00.006-06:00

Anyone who is a veteran internet user has been found by some relative, acquaintance, co-worker, whatever that feels they now have the "dirt" on you. Of course this type of person is not usually motivated by good. They are looking for the things to say about you to your spouse, the community, your employer... And they will stretch and fabricate to suit their purpose. To me they are like a real life internet troll. They have the same goal, to stat a conflict and get attention.

I imagine that it is partly because of this that blogs go private, stay general, and basically avoid inflammatory personal stories most of the time. I'm sure that there are other issues (nasty commenters and internet stalkers) but I think this one hits home for me more than the others. There are a few brave soles that share in spite of this, and whenever I read them I am thinking of what they must go through. You see, nasty commenters are just haters, and they are attacking Islam or whatever aspect of my writing as an idea. Even when they get personal, it's not personal because they don't know me.

The more devious internet troll that I call an internet narc does know me, and is into my business not in the comments section but in real life. This is not just annoying, it's fitna. I for one don't understand it. What can you gain from this? I guess only the sick satisfaction of making sure someone else has problems in their life too.

And in spite of this I am throwing a new bone to the internet trolls out there, a podcast. I have been messing with it, downloading software, setting up hosting... It's called "The Muslimah Next Door". Maybe you've read my ramblings about a book for converts??? A kinda practical guide to Islam? The podcast is a branch from that tree, and of course you might imagine that I love to talk so I'm a natural for podcasting. Hmmm, that sounds arrogant... I just mean I can fill 30 minutes no problem and hopefully a few of them are intelligent and useful!LOL Insha'Allah I will get it all figured out by the end of the week. Look for it on the sidebar. And all you internet narcs, go ahead and dissect if you would like. Repeat things out of context, twist meanings... I'm having so much fun doing it that I just don't care! **insert evil laugh here**

Ramadan blessings...

2009-08-25T18:33:00.004-06:00

Ramadan is full of mixed feelings for me, and I have been trying to write a post about that for a few days now. It just doesn't seem to be coming together. Maybe I'm just clouded by low blood sugar or something. If you are wondering about the picture... That is what I am focusing on this Ramadan. Trusting Allah. Trusting that all the things I am experiencing are part of my fate, Trusting that I have to do what is right and everything else will come, trusting that if He handed me a challenge I can meet it. Anyway, Ramadan and me...

The good part, is pretty simple. I feel closer to the religion, I am reminded all day of the importance of Allah in my life, and my husband and I share meals together on a regular basis (something our schedules don't always allow us to do).

Then there is the down side... I feel more isolated than usual because I know people everywhere are sharing iftar invitations and going to the mosque. And these are things that we just don't do. So there will come a time in the month when I will feel really sad about that. I will remember how much I enjoy cooking for a party, how much I would love to go to the masjid and pray a peaceful taraweh.

Realistically, I know I'm not the only person in this situation. I know the hadith about being strangers, the one about holding onto the deen being like holding onto a hot coal. And I still feel a little sad sometimes. I am an extrovert. People around me do matter. Things around me do matter. Although I'm not weak, and I will hold my beliefs even if they are different than those around me... But I do feed off of the rare person who sees things as I do. And right now, those people are a phone call or an online chat rather than a physical presence. And that's hard.

I'm not just crying into my latte here. I'm hoping that if you are like me and you are reading this... Don't let it get to you. Do something fun, something memorable for your kids... Even if you are all alone in your celebration. You have to build your own memories, start your own traditions. You are shooting without a script. It's hard, but you chose this path. And you wouldn't be on it if you didn't believe it was the better way. Most of all, remember that you are not alone. Somewhere out there is someone like me, doing the exact same thing as you... And in my heart I am with you. And I will remember that all of you are with me even if we live hundreds of miles apart.

So I am making dua for all of you. Kiss your kids for me. Buy your spouse something special to wear to the Eid prayer. Feed that elderly neighbor a share of your iftar (even though they are not Muslim). Hang some lights around your house. And remember you are not alone.

Happy Ramadan friends, I hope this is a time of prayer and reflection for all of you wherever you are in the world.

I heart this easy bread thing...

2009-08-06T14:59:00.004-06:00

I bought the book Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day maybe 4 months ago... And I have been really enjoying it. One thing that has been a challenge is finding a large container that I can use to mix and store the dough in. I found this at Sam's yesterday:

It's 6 quarts and if you can't see there are three of them. That means that I can have a loaf pan dough, a sweet dough and a basic dough and just refill as needed. I like mixing in the same container I store in and before that was impossible because I was storing in a casserole type tupperware. I am also moving a little half fridge that DH had at work to the basement so I can store the bread dough without eating up all my fridge space. Here is one with the dough just mixed in it (plenty of room to rise):

If you have not tried this method and you definitely should. I don't know why I was making it so much harder than it had to be all this time. You really can make bread in only five minutes a day. It's so nice!!! There is nothing like fresh baked bread, it just smells so wonderful and tastes so good!!! Next to nice fresh laundry smell there is nothing more comforting to me than fresh bread throughout the house.

Does this mean that my bread-making has reached the level of obsessive? **wink** MMMM, no one is complaining yet!

Taking a bite out of history

2009-07-20T13:30:00.005-06:00

One of the stranger things that I like to do is cook things in a traditional manner. What I mean is historical recipes that might use techniques and ingredients we would now find tiresome and antiquated. This extends to other areas such as clothing, making household items and so on. I find it to be interesting and more importantly it's a way to really get in touch with history. I personally am more interested in the way things were for the average person than I am in big events. It gives you a sense of how things have changed and an appreciation for how people of that period felt about the big events... In short it gives you perspective.

So, when I read my kids Little House on the Prairie I got this book:

And when I could I cooked what we were reading about. Some things I ended up liking and I do them seasonally now. Crab-apple jelly for instance. But we don't always like them. Well, to be honest our processed food taste means we often will find these simpler foods strange and we won't like them. But, it is fun to try them anyway and really get a sense of what life was like for the people making them.

I also like quilting using the more traditional patterns and methods. I have even pieced by hand, and it turned out pretty nice. And you may know that I like knitting, and crochet... I have even tried my hand at tatting (making lace), but I never caught on!LOL

So, I'm sure someday I will find my way to a volunteer job at a living history museum... Maybe I'll be one of those crazy volunteers you see on PBS or TLC when they challenge people to live like people in a given period of history. I would love it!!!LOL But for now I'm off to make a recipe from the book I got at the Living History Farm in Iowa... Maybe brown bread in a coffee can???

2009 Ramadan Craft (gift box)

2009-07-12T21:28:00.011-06:00

I like to do a craft every year and post a tutorial for Ramadan. Last year I missed it, this year I wanted to be early so you can do one if you like the idea, insha'Allah. So here it is:

You will need:

Glue, paintbrush, paper mache or cardboard box, duct tape (craft colored type) and tissue paper.

First, mix your glue with an equal amount of hot water to thin it out.

Then have some fun tearing the tissue paper into little squares (maybe 1 inch???).

Then brush the glue onto the surface of your box.

Now lay the tissue paper into the glue. Once you do the whole thing, give it a coat of the glue over the entire surface. You may want to do that part for the younger ones because the tissue paper can get too wet and move if you brush hard. Let it dry for a few hours after this step.

Take your box and draw a template. Then use the size to create a design for the top of your box.

Here you can see mine, a crescent and a star.

Now take that design and cut it out of your gold foil (or whatever contrasting color you like). Then use your thin glue to paste it onto the lid and give it a little top coat when you are finished.

Next, take the duct tape and cover the edge as shown.

Fold the edges of the tape to cover the rim of the box. I did this to protect the decorative finish from the opening and closing of the lid.

Repeat the process with the rim of the lid.

On the inside lid paste a printed message explaining the box and its contents to the recipient. Mine says:

"Right now Muslims all over the world are celebrating the month of Ramadan. You may know that it is a time of fasting from sunrise to sunset and a special chance for us to grow in our faith. What you may not know is that it is also a time for sharing food and company with our family and friends. Our family would like to share a small gift with you and we hope that you will enjoy it. These cookies are called kahk, and are a special treat shared by Egyptian families during the month of Ramadan.

Peace and blessings to you and your loved ones."

This is the finished box, and as you may have guessed by the inside of the lid we plan to use it as a container for cookies to be given to friends. Be sure to line the box with something if you fill it with food, oil from the food could damage it.

2009-07-05T10:19:00.002-06:00

We are on the road right now. On an RV trip to be specific (which is another post entirely)and we made our way from WY to Niagra Falls and are now going back and hitting some things we wanted to see. I personally have always wanted to see what a city filled with Muslims would be like... So we made our way towards Dearborn, MI. We shopped, we ate and I marveled at the microchasm (no spell check right now so please forgive the spelling) of Islam in America.

We have had trouble with the generator, discovered that RV parks cost more than bidding for hotels on Priceline and were shocked at the behavior of mass amounts of Arabs (they all park on the freeway to watch fireworks ya'll!!!)... And we had a good time.

Niagra Falls was nice, but bring your passport because the Canadian side is the best.

Check out The Henry Ford Museum if you are ever in Dearborn... I liked it, and even if DH says I like all museums (which is true) I swear this one was nice.

We also checked out the living history farm near Des Moine, Iowa. The kids milked a cow, which of course happened around some live illustrations of farming in early America... But who's gonna remember that with all the cow milking???

Anyway, that's where I am... We are headed home and will arrive Wednesday??? Insha'allah.

Blog Carnival post on White Privilege... Very Late.

2009-06-08T09:31:00.004-06:00

This blog carnival is one that I promised myself I would write for... Of course I am late so I hope the sister who is organising will accept my apology and my entry. It's a good topic, and being lily-white Muslimah I have thoughts on it!LOL

Craving the Spotlight

As a White Muslim you are a BIG DEAL. You are a superstar at Muslim gatherings. And unless you are painfully shy you will eventually start to love it, NEED it. No, really. Everyone will ask you how you converted and tell you how wonderful you are. You learn masha'Allah and think maybe it means something like "Look, there goes the only American smart enough to convert to Islam." The entire community is ready to marry you off if you happen to be single.

Then the reality of your new life starts to set in. When you peel back the thin veneer of this "welcome" you will find that you are an outsider. You will see all too clearly that the praise only keeps coming as long as you aren't challenging anyone. The minute you dare to contradict you will find out that born Muslims automatically assume you to be uneducated in matters of religion. And where a lesson or hint may be appreciated in the first months after you convert... The assumptions start to sting once you have been Muslim for a few years. They come from unexpected places. Even your spouse may pull the born Muslim card on you. So we are knocked off the pedestal the community put us on swiftly and unceremoniously. And we fall hard.

Here we were thinking that we were trading one community for another. We tolerated the looks that the old ladies at the grocery shot us because we knew the Muslims understood us. The Muslims were proud of us. The Muslims thought we were smart. Well, maybe they did anyway. It's an unpleasant surprise to find out that everyone still thinks of you as a child even when you have been Muslim for years. There is also the matter of feeling like you have to fight the culture that people THINK is Islam all the time. And usually both these things are in play when you feel like the community just doesn't get you. The attention you learned to love, turns sour overnight. You realise that no one ever seeks more from you than your conversion story and you start to get tired of telling it.

I have left more gatherings with tears than I care to remember. I NEVER feel like I fit in. The ideals of Islam and the truth about the Muslims of today are just so far apart. I don't think people dislike me, but I do think they are full of negative assumptions about me. I challenge these people who think they know so much to ask themselves how much direct knowledge from learned people do they have? You can't just assume that because you have been following your cultures "Muslim" version of life for years you know all there is to know about the religion. Worse yet, you might be surprised at how much of what you think you know has NOTHING to do with Islam.

So, here we white converts are in between a cultural rock and a religious hard place. We aren't American anymore because once you out yourself as Muslim by dress, actions or talk you don't really fit in with the other people from your cultural background anymore. At the same time, we will never be Egyptian, Arab, Pakistani, whatever... So we will never fit into the groups that the Muslim community divides itself into either. By choosing Islam we have chosen life as an outsider.

So, yes... We have the admiration of the Muslim community. People will offer us jobs and spouses thinking we are just so great and wonderful. But they will never really accept us. So maybe we are privileged... And maybe not. I guess that depends on how you define it.

2009-06-03T22:09:00.002-06:00

This is where I grew up. So if you wonder why I just feel like a square peg in a round hole here in Wyoming... It's a far cry from Cairo, but I'm not going to claim that I understand for a second why my husband has adapted better than me!LOL

Children's Literature

2009-05-25T10:07:00.012-06:00

Children's books are a great love of mine. And since Muslim Hippie did a post on her favorites, I thought I would share mine.

First, and foremost...

I also love...

And...

Of course you can't talk children's books without mentioning...

And a new favorite around our house...

And the whole series that started with...

And I hope all children get to read a little of his work...

And I have enjoyed reading his work to my kids...

And even adults can laugh at...

Of course I could go on and on... I love books, and I love children's books. Just wanted to share, maybe you would all share yours too!!! Let me know if you do.

Calgon, take me away...

2009-05-21T12:19:00.004-06:00

There are things that I miss about being single. Being able to take a bath undisturbed is DEFINATLY one of them. And I'm going to confess that since becoming Muslim I miss having a glass of wine while in said bath. What I wouldn't do for the bath pictured above and a nice glass of white wine. Now, don't go all crazy on me... I don't drink, and I know it's forbidden... But I do see the temptation of a three margarita play date every now and then!LOL Ohhhh, don't listen to me... I've had a long day already and it's only noon. :P

Summer homeschooling challenge #1

2009-05-19T11:36:00.004-06:00

I am going to do a summer program at home for the kids this year. I have been planning it and the first hurdle is: Taking the above pictured mess (now a storage room) and making it into a classroom. It's going to be nice, insha'Allah... And that room needs to be cleared out anyway... But it's also going to be a pain in the butt!LOL My plan is to have school desks and a computer. I will also set up book shelves. Right now I am working on that room and searching for a math curriculum. I am also compiling a summer reading list and digging out the HSing books that have been in storage since we moved. I have enrolled in a few activities and need to print some wall calendars to start a master schedule. I'm excited, and I want to start on June 8th so I have some serious work to do.

I'm still here!!!

2009-05-14T16:01:00.003-06:00

I haven't updated in awhile, so I will share with you a few things that I have been meaning to posts about.

I am totally dreaming of going to this event from Zaytuna Institute. **big sigh** Anyone want to watch the kids for a week and loan me $1,600??? OK OK!!! Don't get mad, I was just asking!LOL

My very sweet SIL from Egypt saved my behind from wardrobe hell by bringing me several wonderful summer shirts/ ensembles from Egypt. Some were ready right away, and a couple need hemming/alterations. Anyway, I have a great head start on my summer clothing. Alhamdulilah.

I am going tomorrow afternoon to get a massage for the first time ever in my life. I have migraine headaches and in the interest of saving my liver from my overuse of migraine meds I am trying to find alternative ways to deal with my headaches. I will probably go to a chiropractor as well when I find one I like here in town. I'm hoping that the idea of having a strange person all up in my space won't undo any relaxing effect said massage might have.

I got a new kitchen tool the other day, an onion dicer (I hate chopping onions)... And the clutz that I am I had it on the counter and was leaning forward over it trying to push the onion through the chopper, when it slipped and the end I was pushing on went down and the front went up launching the stupid thing into my forehead. So no, that's not a prayer mark... That's a BRUISE because I am too dippy to use a simple kitchen tool safely. Yeah, it's true.

I got some great fabric on sale in Denver and I am planning to make myself some clothes. I also got a very groovy canvas tent pattern that I am going to make up for my kids and the daycare, insha'Allah. I think it will be very cool, I will post pics, insha'Allah.

I am looking into self-publishing a book that I mentioned some time ago... A kinda practical how to deal book for female converts, the girlfriends guide to Islam is the working title. I will be looking for other converts to talk about their experiences, so leave me your e-mail if you are interested. I AM struggling with the content a little because I was thinking about having some scholars answer questions, and even if I can find someone to do that... I think I am going way outta my league by having too much specific religious content. I want it to be a real life thing, not a collection of fiqh for women; I'm not qualified for that obviously.

Other than that... The house is still a mess because we went to Denver for a week, but I have high hopes for getting it done this weekend. And I need to take on the project of making curtains for the living room, but I know that I will do something fun like the tent instead... I'm not the most practical mom after all.

This week I need to...

2009-04-25T13:23:00.004-06:00

I have so many things to do this week, and I am determined to get them done... But I always manage to slack off. I made dua this morning for help with all the things I have to do... I need it. So, here it is:

-Get the kids ready for their Goha presentations. DS is doing a story about tricking 2 thieves and he will dress as Goha and tell it in first person. Layla is doing the story above about Goha teaching his son a lesson while walking with a donkey through town. She will do a storyboard to go along with it. So, i need to complete the display of the story board and make DS's jilbab.

-Get my bathroom ready to try and have someone come in and put tile on our peeling plaster shower wall.

-Get my house in order and picked up so I can bring someone to help clean before my SIL comes from Egypt maybe as soon as this weekend (not that I can afford that, but I will be SOOOOO embarrassed if I don't have it clean at least the living room carpet).

-Do the piles of laundry in the upstairs hallway.

-Get some kind of sleeping arrangement for my SIL figured out, and hopefully figure out some solutions for if SIL #2 comes with.

-Bake cupcakes for the sale on Friday.

-Try not to have a nervous breakdown about doing all of the above!!!

I HATE shopping!!!

2009-04-20T10:06:00.002-06:00

I used to LOVE shopping. No, really. Especially for shoes. I was known for my unique shoes. I had my "utility" pair of birks, but everything else was an original. I think I did some serious damage to my feet shoving them into platforms. And I had a thing for tall boots with short skirts. I'm short you see, and long dresses and loose clothes will inevitably leave me looking frumpy and grandma-ish. So along with the normal changes that go with becoming an actual adult and having to dress like one, I am also still struggling with how to rock the modesty thing. You see once I was stripped of my platforms and my baby-doll dresses, my retro chic thrift-store finds, I was left with very little in my wardrobe. I had a total of maybe 2 pairs of drawstring pants, 1 skirt and 2 shirts that I could wear when I converted. And I solved the problem with a few jilbabs. They were the overcoat style and I liked them for teaching, they looked professional. Then I moved to Wyoming and married a man who thinks jilbabs are for the porter's (AKA doorman's) wife. And the wardrobe thing has been a problem ever since.

So I guess it's no surprise that I HATE shopping. Of course when I have to take the kids it's a nightmare. Any mom with more than one will have that problem. But even when I go on my own I find myself staring blankly at rack after rack and finding nothing. Then you add into it that everything I like DH will hate and everything he suggests I will hate... It just sucks the joy right out of the experience!!!

I guess all hijabis here in the states suffer from this to some degree, but I am getting down to a bare closet here and I will have to face my shopping demons soon. I just don't know where I am supposed to shop, or even what I am looking for. Every time I buy something I am compromising, and nothing fits me correctly. You see, I am short... No, shorter than that. 5 feet in shoes short. So, everything is long through the arms and the waist is in the wrong place. So, I have trouble finding things that don't look goofy because the "waist" is cinching the chunky part of my belly. And though I consider the top of my knuckles the correct length for a long sleeve (I used to loop my thumbs through before it was cool and they made juniors Shirts that way) when the shoulders slump and the arms are 2-3 inches over the end of my hand, it's too much.

So here I am, the one bright spot in my shopping trips is Sephoria (cosmetics). And I end up buying clothes that don't fit and don't reflect my personality. I feel like such a frump. I just wish I could find even one outfit that made me feel great. Oh, and if I could find a store that consistently carried even something as basic as loose shirts that actually cover my behind... That would just be icing.

So:P on shopping. Maybe someday I will find a way to enjoy it again but for now it's a chore.

getting to know your local ER

2009-04-19T10:53:00.000-06:00

There isn't a mom out there who hasn't taken their child to the ER at least once. If you have four you just multiply that... So I know the local ER pretty well, and they know me. I am sitting there right now because it looks like DS#2 has chicken-pox. Lovely right? See, I knew I shouldn't have let the public health nurse guilt me into the vaccine!LOL

But what I really want to say is a little alhamdulilah.

Alhamdulilah I live in a place where the state makes sure kids can afford to go to the ER even if their parents don't have a job with insurance.

Alhamdulilah I am here for something simple and totally treatable.

Alhamdulilah for how long it has been since DH was the one I was here with (masha'allah).

Alhamdulilah I live in a time and place where a minor childhood illness is not life threatening.

Anyway, alhamdulilah.

Cupcakes for a bake sale...

2009-04-03T10:58:00.003-06:00

The kids are having a bake sale at school... They are on a university campus so they will be selling them in the student union during lunch. I have 2 kids in 2/3 which is the group doing the sale so today was my first day and my next one is on a few weeks away. I made 2 dozen lemonade cupcakes (basically replace half the liquid in a white cake with frozen lemonade concentrate and add a couple drops of yellow to the batter). And I think the next ones will be spiced chai... Don't you just love cupcakes?

I am also working on the kid's presentations on folktales. I am doing Goha, so I need two different stories (one per kid). I know I'm doing the one about the nail... Do any of you know another good one? I have some books coming from Amazon, but any thoughts would help!

Toys for boys...

2009-03-26T16:32:00.002-06:00

It's hard to find things to make for the boys, but I got a great book at Barnes and Noble called Creepy Cute Crochet and I have been having some fun with it. This is a knight (maybe 5 inches tall so it works up QUICK) I did for my oldest son since he seems to be into knights right now for some reason. Next I'm doing a cute little monkey with a fez to hang in the car and a ninja for DS #2.

call me book dork...

2009-03-20T18:08:00.000-06:00

You know you are a bibliophile when you spend your free day out of town book shopping. And when you find yourself giddy when faced with a warehouse of Islamic books. And when you total up your spending on said books and realize you have really passed your 100$ limit. And then you go to Barnes and Noble and spend even more...

Not that I'm talking about me here **blushing** but like if that stuff happened that girl would definitely be a book dork... **grin**

Book suggestions???

2009-03-18T18:19:00.000-06:00

I am trying to add a new habit to my life every 30 days... Do something useful every day for 30 minutes until I have a new habit. This month, study religion for 30 minutes every day. So, any books I should read??? Audiobooks, podcasts, internet videos are all especially welcome. Thoughts? What are your favorites? Of course something that requires thought, but not anything too dry. I know, I'm asking a lot when we are talking translations for the most part I know... And any tips on reading without freaking out over poor grammar and misused words obviously gleaned directly from the pages of an Arabic to English dictionary are always welcome!LOL

Being religious without being plastic...

2009-03-13T20:38:00.003-06:00

Can it be done? I always have the feeling that I am one of those converts who just sounds plastic when they start talking deen. Have you ever noticed how silly it is when a person who doesn't really mean it is all, alhamdulilah, masha'Allah, and so on? It is very rare that I meet a person who can tell a story about God in their life without sounding like someone bearing witness to a tel-evangelist.

Have you ever wondered if seeming a little fake is just the nature of being a convert? Or maybe the nature of being religious in general... Maybe it's because along with the religion we try to adopt the culture. Or maybe I'm just over-critical. I try hard to be myself... Sometimes that is strict, sometimes I am pretty relaxed... And I think that I probably make some converts pretty uncomfortable with it sometimes. But I try to be upfront with my views.

It's one of the things I think we all have to work on in our lives if we want to progress as a religious group beyond practicing the deen within the context of a culture. I mean, if we are all just putting on the good Muslim mask doing what we think other Muslims expect us to do, saying what is widely accepted... How will we ever progress?

So I propose that we should all do what we believe. You have a cultural background that you can keep if it doesn't conflict with the religion, and that's OK. And if you are uneducated and not sure... Find an answer. Don't just become a convert doll saying the things you have heard when someone pulls your string. Own your answers. Own your deen. And hopefully you won't feel plastic at all, ever.

New doll

2009-03-11T10:38:00.003-06:00

Here are some pictures of a doll I just finished. Insha'Allah it will go to meet its little girl soon;)

Conversations with my 2 year old

2009-03-09T10:02:00.002-06:00

So lately I have been telling the older children to give the 2 year old some room when she gets into their things, bugs them, cries for something they have, whatever. I tell them, "She's just being a toddler, be patient with her." So yesterday I was in the kitchen and I heard the sound of small objects skittering across linoleum and I looked behind me to see the 2yo pouring a package of mini m&m's through the tube in the paper towel out onto the floor of the kitchen and watching them as they went everywhere in the kitchen and under all the appliances. I stood looking at her not knowing what to say, and she saw me. She finished the package and then looked up at me, "Is this being a toddler?". Well, I guess it is!LOL

Capturing the muse...

2009-03-05T11:08:00.003-07:00

I don't know about how other creative types work, but I don't choose when I can muster up the full force of my creative mind on something. So, when I heard the title of a lecture series for educators here in WY was Teaching Creativity... It brought to mind the two major questions I have always had about creativity.

Is creativity innate, or can it be learned?

Can creativity be forced or directed?

Well, here's my answer as a performer, writer, and generally right-brained person. Creativity is innate, and you can't force or direct it (much to the chagrin of people like myself).

You know the chorus of that song by Sara Bareilles where the chorus says "I'm not gonna write you a love song 'cause you ask for it, 'cause you need one." For me it's like that. I don't choose what inspires me, and it isn't always logical. I can't set out to write (poems are the worst) about something because I want to write on a certain topic. Things either come to me or they don't. It was the hardest thing about being a live performer playing characters... It would sometimes take me a long time before I saw that character in my mind, before the whole thing came to me. And I still can't choose to write a poem, I can't sit down to do that before it comes to me spontaneously. I have often wondered how artists paint commissioned works. How do they draw inspiration to do something someone else is choosing for them? And writing for a deadline must be really hard. I think this must be where the myth of the muses comes from. People knew that things just came to you, and they wanted a reason that would explain why creativity couldn't just be turned on when you needed it.

What I do think we can do for our children is offer them a variety of creative arts so they can find their niche. Somewhere inside of us all there is some small seed of creativity, and I do think we can help our children to nurture that. I want my kids to try all sorts of mediums as they grow, maybe they will find something they love. But I disagree with the idea that I can teach them to "be creative". Do you see what I mean?

This is where you see that some people are crafty, and some are artistic. You can see it when you go to classes for arts and crafts. The person who has a very logical brain will produce a replica of the instruction sheet. The artistic person (if they dig the project) will somehow give it their own flair.

I wish we would just accept that you can't force someone to love and be inspired by anything. You can't teach someone to love reading novels. No matter how good they are technically at reading. You just can't, and what a crazy disorganised world it would be if we all just went around pursuing artistic endeavors. We NEED the diversity of logical and creative... So I hope they NEVER find a way to teach creativity, or logical thinking for that matter.

Go rent it NOW!!!

2009-03-04T18:26:00.006-07:00

I will admit that as DH has accused me of in the past I like to rent things that CAIR hates... Or protests or whatever because I like to form my own ideas about the work. I'm a rebel like that. And the NAME of this movie was disliked by CAIR. They made the argument that it would normalize the insult and more people would feel free to say it. I don't agree with that argument. See, it doesn't matter how much you hear a racial slur... It's still a racial slur. Just pause and think... How many times would you have to say nigger before it would be acceptable vernacular? Yeah, no way. Anyway, I digress.

This movie has some strong sexual content. And some strong messages about the sexuality of young women... But just like the director's other film American Beauty (another must see) it really dissects and lays open for you such a tender time in the main character's life. And wow. I saw it last night and I am still thinking about it today. DH didn't watch it, but I have told him the whole thing!!! So, go watch and just think deep thoughts about it. I know I did.

And so you know, I think she could've been from any minority group and the film would have been the same basically. It just needed a conservative cultural backdrop... So don't think it's all anti-Arab or anything. It's not. It is about racism though... Among other things.

Answering tags.....

2009-03-02T20:50:00.005-07:00

I got tagged twice for this one, and of course I want to say thank you to the moms who tagged me and the best way to do that is to post it!
Umm Nassim from Islamic Unit Studies and Mona from Mama Mona
Here are the rules of this tag:

1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom). Once you have written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. Remember you are a good mom!

2. Remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you!

OK, so here are my answers...
1. I lack the patience I once had... And I don't get down on the floor/in the dirt/on the grass/wherever and play with my kids. Being a playful parent has always been important to me and somewhere along the line I lost touch with that.

2. I. I love that my kids will try almost anything.
II. I love playing in the bath with my 2 year old.
III. I love the way my youngest son keeps trying at something until he gets it.
IV. I love how well my oldest daughter draws, and how she sees things with an artist's eyes.
V. I love taking my kids to the movies.
VI. I love taking naps cuddled up with the baby.
VII. I love the way all of the kids smell fresh out of the bath. (don't we all!)

3. I tag... Well...
Ruqayyah from Bipolar Muslimah
Surviving
Mona from The Imam's Daughter
UmmYehiya from Goodnight Lamplight
Umm Ibrahim from Stranger in This Dunya

And also thanks to UmmHasan from The Muslim Clothing Store for the award ;)

Alhamdulilah (my washer is running again!!!)

2009-02-19T14:24:00.003-07:00

So after being prompted by DH and the prospect of shelling out $150 for the pump on my washer, I searched the internet and found a no cost solution. It seems that these Whirlpool Duet HE washers have a filter under the front kick plate right before the pump that you can just turn (there's a little handle) and pull out. People on repair sites were saying that this could clog up and cause the same error as the pump being bad... So I popped off the kick plate (after moving Mt. Laundry from in front of the washer) and pulled it out. I found nasty gray rotting things clogging the filter to the point where they took the shape of the opening including, but not limited to... A baby sock, costume jewelry, popsicle sticks, ball pint pens, paperclips and slime. I dumped the stuff, cleaned the filter and popped it all back in. I am on my second load with no error... Which, insha'Allah, is a sign that I won't be hauling butt to the laundry-mat this week. Alhamdulilah.

It has occurred to me...

2009-02-17T21:59:00.004-07:00

So I am seeing the fact that I haven't been a properly social blogger these days, and I want to say I'm sorry. I am just busy and I don't mean to offend. So, if i haven't answered a comment, made one on your blog, or replied to a tag. I know it, and it's nothing personal... I am trying to work out a time when I can be on the computer and do more than just blurk, so I'll be back... In the mean time, don't hate me cause I'm anti-social!!! You all know I love you, right?

Random thoughts on a random day...

2009-02-08T16:33:00.002-07:00

I am running around trying to get things cleaned up while DH has the kids out for the day and I always have these random thoughts that aren't really posts, more like post seedlings. So I thought today I would share the torturous labyrinth of profundity that is my mind when I should be thinking about the task at hand!LOL

here they are in bullets not numbers, since numbers would feel like I'm ordering them by some criteria in my mind.

**DH should study the deen and open a question and answer session like they have at Azhar... The only problem would be that sometimes he would have to like follow you for the day and get to know you before he would answer. Seriously, I would call it "Fiqh you can use", "Fiqh for this century" or "Fiqh for the rest of us". Really, that guy is the master of analyzing situations and people. Except me, but that's another story:P

**I think that I am going to have to tear my book that I have been working on apart and re-vamp the entire thing rather than re-writing it. The storyline came to me while I was polishing the stainless steel kitchen sink the other day. (don't think I'm a clean freak, 'cause I'm a mess... I'm using a program called flylady where the first step is to shine your kitchen sink.)

**I really want to see that new movie "Coraline" I'm dying to know what the whole button eyes thing is about.

**I can't find the book for my book club on tape. Which means that I can't listen and then read it to let it absorb properly. This strangely bums me out.

**People sometimes get upset that "foreigners" are "stealing" people away from marrying people from the same country. Trust me, if you marry a foreigner (assuming you are happy) there was no way you were going to get along with a spouse from your culture. Something about you was always a little outside the norm, for you different fits.

**Trash seems to breed in my house. I think there were more cans on the tables than I remember seeing anyone drink since yesterday.

**I get obsessive when using Lysol. We are on the second week of a stomach flu and my only good idea so far is that the boys are somehow re-infecting themselves... So I got out the Lysol to do their room. Before I knew it I had stripped every bed in the house and sprayed it liberally. And the door handles. And the light switches. Needless to say I had to arrange proper ventilation shortly after.

**Audiobooks are my friends.

**I need to start planning my menus again, and when I do I will start posting to my yahoo group for menu planning again. Insha'Allah.

**We just changed insurance and I am going crazy wondering if I made the right choice!!! It changes on the 15th and I keep hedging on it. In theory ours now is better, but they have all these exclusions and find a way not to pay anything.

**After sitting through the movie of "The Yacoubian Building" and being able to tell who was who and what they were saying before DH could translate it (they stuck pretty close to the book) DH is pressing my to get my masters in Lit. Something I may actually do.

**Like I said, I am following a program called Flylady and one of the things you do is get up and dressed and ready for your day before the family. That means showered, dressed, face fixed and ready to go out the door. Usually I don't get dressed until after dropping the kids off. Since I started doing this, DH is convinced I'm trying to impress someone at the kid's school:P

OK, OK... Enough randomness. You get the idea. These are the things that roll around in my head while I clean... What about you?

women and friendship

2009-02-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

One of the things I have been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that I don't have friends here in WY. This leads to the general subject of women and our generally social nature. Yes, even those of us who feign disdain of society and such in general.

Women are not like men in their need for friends. You will never see a man complaining that his BFF broke up with him. No. Men seem blissfully unaware of the status of their friendships and can pick up and leave off with other male friends without a thought. Unless a friend really crosses some line (and even then sometimes) men don't stop being friends. And it seems that men don't obsess about things like not having a social life outside of work. They go with the flow. They are fine as a lone hunter.

Women, on the other hand are more symbiotic. They NEED friends. Having friends keeps them going. Having friends is the reason that they care about their wardrobe and their home decor. Think about it for a minute? Does your DH notice your new bag (before he sees the bank statement)? Are you impressing him with your new shoes? No. Women are constantly working within the female half of our social structure.

So, being left out of it for any significant period leaves us floundering. And I am so there right now. I need a friend to go places with. To have tea with. To swap hijabs with. **sigh** But I just don't fit in with women here in WY. I could blame the bias they have against Muslims... But it goes deeper than that. I'm just different fundamentally. I don't fit in here. WY is a very closed social structure, and I know that other people not from here must experience it too.

I guess I just I'm just saying think about it. I hope you are all grateful for the friends you have, because being cut off is a struggle.

My washer hates me :(

2009-01-24T11:05:00.002-07:00

As usual I have a huge pile of laundry and there are even more loads than usual this week because the kids have the flu. I don't want to get graphic here, but they are the kind of loads that can't wait. And my moody HE washer is giving me an error and shutting off about 10 times during an average cycle. I heard it beeping the error code just now and I am only rinsing a load!!! I am seriously annoyed with my laundry situation at this point. I am running the dryer for 2 hours every time I dry because it sucks, and I am doing smaller loads since the washer is acting up... And even with that the whole process is not making a dent in my laundry pile. It takes me a whole afternoon to wash and dry one load!!!

OK. So if you read that a woman in WY loaded her washer on the truck and then took it out into the woods to shoot it... You will know that's me.

You might be missing the point...

2009-01-21T22:07:00.004-07:00

Just a ha ha kinda thing from me... Don't be offended, I know we girls want to look our best... Just have a laugh.

Top 10 clues that you might be a little too concerned about looking good in your hijab (therefore kinda missing the whole point of hijab)...

10. You once put hairspray on your hijab by mistake.

9. You have enlisted the services of a Veil Designer/ Hijab stylist.

8. You have "bad hijab" days.

7. You have missed people knocking at your door because putting on your hijab took so much time that they thought you weren't home.

6. You have excused yourself on outings to check on your hijab (and not because it was slipping off).

5. You have complicated diagrams hanging next to your mirror that instruct you on styling your hijab in various ways.

4. You are often asked, "How do you do that with your scarf?".

3. You have more ways to style your hijab than you have fingers to count them on.

2. You leave your hijab on when at home because taking it on and off requires too much effort.

And finally...

1. You have a secret fear that you are now actually prettier with your hijab ON.

DIY until I die

2009-01-11T18:55:00.001-07:00

As an American I take DIY projects for granted. I don't know if DH's background is typical Egyptian, or typical for Cairo... But my MIL and FIL had people (servants DH would call them, but I say workers). I don't think DH had held a hammer until he moved here. They called someone to hang a picture. My MIL had a sewing machine, but a lady came once a week and did the mending for her. The thing she did do was knitting... Hats, sweaters, socks, everything. But it was like a "look how useful I can be while waiting for my kids at the club" thing.

So imagine my DH's surprise when the first thing I ever asked him for was a sewing machine... And how shocking it was when he found out I could actually use it. I won't talk about his reaction to sewing Layla's diapers!!!

Well, I LOVE that kinda stuff. The first time I ever got a flat tire my dad made me change it. I used to change my own oil in college. I made my prom dress. I traveled to fashion conscious Tokyo wearing dresses I made myself carrying a quilt as a gift for my hostess. I made my first hijabs and jilbabs. Yes, I was DIY gal when DIY wasn't cool. Which doesn't always make sense to DH.

For me there is a rush to coloring my own hair, putting in a garbage disposal, making a dress, putting diapers I made myself on a baby, giving a gift I made, serving homemade bread... Even though I don't have as much time as I would like, I do like to do things myself. And this is a pleasure lost on my DH.

The famous example DH gives (and if you ever want to hear it just bring me an apple pie someday) is that I once spent $10 on the stuff to make an apple pie and DH saw one in the store the next day for $5. And that is how his mind works. DIY only makes sense if it saves you money... Is this a DH thing? An Egyptian thing? An Engineer thing? I may never know. All I know is that I think he's missing out on some real fun!LOL

Seems to be going around, so here is my 100 things list...

2009-01-02T12:09:00.002-07:00

The highlighted below are things I have done:

1. Started your own blog Well, yeah.
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band I have a more musical past than you might imagine!LOL
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to DisneylandI went to school about 15 minutes away and all my friends were in the parades there, so yeah.
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo Oh, MANY.
11. Bungee jumping
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch Oddly, I seem to like doing that... Henna, knitting, crochet, cake decorating, quilting...
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort I grew up in CO, sheesh.
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke In Japan, it's birthplace!LOL
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie I was an actor in a college with a film department;P
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a businessmore than 1.
58. Taken a martial arts class Aikido.
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper Front page baby!!!
85. Read the entire Qur’an/Bible/Torah A translation of the Quran, and the Bible for a Bible as literature class.
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating DH and I have slaughtered and prepared many times.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous Val Kilmer, Amy Tan... Both for writing related things.
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby Well, yeah.
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day I LOVE doing that. Just bite it all off in one big chunk!!! You really feel the flow of the writing that way. I think Faulker in particular MUST be read in that fashion.

So much for feeling fabulous

2008-12-25T08:52:00.001-07:00

I have given up girly in favor of functional for the past 9 years as I have raised little ones. There is no glamour in spit stains after all. I have been slowly getting back to body lotions and nice little grooming products...

So I was taking a long shower the other day, enjoying some new products and the 2 year old woke up and used her potty. Somehow she also knocked my glasses off of the sink INTO THE POTTY!

I learned two things from this experience. 1) There is no glamour in motherhood. 2) Clorox does not produce enough bleach to make you feel good about wearing glasses that have taken a dip in a toilet.

Yeah.

10,000 hours, what are you doing with them???

2008-12-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

I am reading an interesting book; Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. It poses an interesting question about success. Basically, what are the key elements of success. One thing that is discussed caught my attention. The author proposes that the number for being excellent at an activity is set; 10,000 hours. From hockey to computer programming, he found that people who we consider to be gifted in certain areas have all somehow spent more than 10,000 hours practicing their skill with the intention of improving it.

What is that? 1 1/2 hours a day for 20 years. 3 hours a day for 10 years. 6 hours a day for five years. Or, if you are really dedicated… 12 hours a day for a year and about 4 months. So could you, would you, do it?

It has gotten me thinking. We are all 10,000 hours away from being excellent at something we have an aptitude for. Are we willing to spend those 10,000 hours? Apparently, if you want to be a standout in your area you need to find them. And isn’t that crazy when you think about it?

It makes you think that all things are in our reach, if we only try. I’m not saying that you will be rich or famous if you spend that time… But you will have the potential to be. Maybe that’s why so many good writers have given the seemingly simple advice to fledgling authors, “just write every day”. They already knew the 10,000 hours thing even if they weren’t calling it that.

Kinda makes you think twice about that hour you spend in front of the TV huh? You could have memorized the entire Quran, written your first novel, painted your first work of art, built a piece of furniture, whatever you are good at. I think I will be writing for at least an hour every day myself… What about you???

Salmeh's new friend!

2008-12-14T22:11:00.001-07:00

Here is a new doll I made for the baby. I think I am going to try a second one and fix some of the mistakes I made this time. But overall I think she's pretty fun.

Study Centers

2008-12-13T10:19:00.007-07:00

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So here are the his and hers study centers for the kids... I have included some more detailed picture's, but basically they are a home for supplies and books that they need for studying. It makes a difference for them because they seem to have the attitude that when you are sitting there you need to be working. The detailed pics are of Aly's desk, but all the same things are on Layla's too.

This is the hutch area where there are little containers for homework and other papers, shelf area for books and the back of it is a bulletin board. You might also notice the little white thing under the shelf, it's one of those under-counter fluorescent lights. I am a big believer in the benefits of proper lighting!LOL Plus, then the light didn't take up desk space. There is also a timer, the kids read for set amounts of time and I find a timer useful for setting up how long it should take to complete a task. Sometimes the kids just seem to do better if there is an expectation of how long something should take.

This is the right hand corner of the desk. The Rubbermaid holds pencils, pens, glue, scissors, colored pencils, post it flags, note pads and star stickers. The calendar is for placing a star on days when they complete all their work. The clock, well the same basically as the timer, time management. And the little silver thing is a digital recorder. I like them for practicing presentations and reading aloud. I can have the kids use them (or sometimes I record something on them that they can play back to memorise) for practicing reading and speaking. They can keep recording and I can listen to their progress when I have a chance. It was DH's idea and it has worked out nicely.

This is the little closed area by the feet, it has a drawer, which I am using for stored papers and a little cubby area where I am putting the workbooks that I am using with them.

This is a little keyboard pull out that I am using for learning game things right now, but will be for laptops in the future, insha'Allah. Layla will get hers at the end of the school year if she reaches certain reading goals, and Aly probably not long after. Layla seems more ready for one right now though. Of course as a dedicated reader, no reading... No laptop. I'm mean like that;)

Anyway, nothing revolutionary... But I promised I'd share so here you go!LOL

Muslims... Please!!!

2008-12-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

I will be honest with you. My experiences at masjids have been less than transcendental spiritually fulfilling respites from the world... They have been more like smelling salts that shock me back to the reality of what Muslims today are like in large groups. Now I don't know these sisters and brother's hearts... But I do know their manners. And this Eid was yet another rude awakening to the reality that the ummah here in the US (I don't know maybe everywhere) needs some serious spit shining before we can even claim to represent this deen.

At my insistence we went to Denver to visit family the day before Eid so we would be able to go with them to the Eid prayer. This was the first time in 10 years that I have been in the larger mosque in Denver for the Eid prayer and it was CRAZY.

First, I was sitting on the side since I wasn't praying (ya'll know what I mean) and I tried to line up the older kids close to me on the ends. Sisters kept pushing them this way and that and no one on the edge was making a discernable effort to make a row, so the youngest got all flustered and came to me crying that he had no place to pray. OK, I can deal. Then after the salams all the sisters started getting up and going over to admire each other's outfits or something and no one seemed to have the slightest idea that there would be a khutba going on after the prayer... Uhhh, HELLO!!! So I made me way the center where the TV and speakers are and someone had turned the volume off. I could see, but since I don't read lips I have no idea what the brother was saying.

Then I went out to a patio area where people were milling around only to be leafleted to death. Of course said leaflets were flying all over the area in the wind within minutes. As were wrappers and balloons the kids had been given. My DH wasn't there so I started to people watch... Of course that means that I saw all the sisters with their scarves carefully perched on top of perfect hairdos which were revealed as soon as they stepped out of the mosque. And I saw the brothers drive up in customized Mercedes and Hummers which I KNOW cost more than you would ever imagine. Of course you can imagine that seeing the brothers driving their family of six off in their cab... Those cars can't be a good use of the wealth they have been given (IMHO).

So I started having my kids pick up all the trash before it blew away once the crowd was gone. Only to have a brother come and yell at them for stepping on the clothe they had spread for those praying outside. Now mind you about 10 minutes earlier the entire female congregation put on their shoes inside and then exited tramping all over that same carpet. But my kids were CLEARLY causing damage:P

Well, you see what I'm getting at. It's hard to have a religious experience when surrounded by this. I don't know what the solution is, but it's clearly a problem. So now I remember why my real religious moments in mosques have all happened during prayers that very few people attend!LOL

Eid prep...

2008-11-29T00:26:00.000-07:00

So I am currently up watching Dexter (I'm halfway through season 3) on my dad's on demand cable and preparing gifts for Eid. Last Eid was a mess since we were in the middle of moving, so I have plans to make this one nicer. I am planning on making a pinata... And I got some nice outfits to go to the prayer in, all cute and matched. Also, I am going to hang some lights, insha'Allah. I am going to do cookie trays for the kid's teachers.

I like the whole gift giving thing so much. The one weird thing I am struggling with is a gift for DH. It feels strange to buy him something because I know he has such specific ideas for himself and it's his money I'm spending!LOL

The upshot is that I got the kid's desks today, and I really like them. I still have to get them some supplies, and some lighting.

So all of you out there getting the house ready for Eid, I wish you luck! I for one am getting excited;)

Back in the saddle again...

2008-11-20T09:07:00.002-07:00

As you may know if you follow my blog I should have a bumper sticker that says I'd rather be home-schooling, but DH and I have differing views on the matter. I have to admit that after the first year of having the kids in school I stopped working with them after-school due to frustration levels (theirs and mine). However, recently it has come to my attention that DD #1 has stopped making reading skills progress since then. And DS #1 needs some serious help with his handwriting and geography.

So, during the time that the kids were in school this week I redid their rooms. Now we are going to make a special trip tomorrow afternoon for desks and a list of various study center pieces I have deemed essential. We are going to do some serious work at home again. And now that the kids are older they need to have a study zone. So we are making one.

I am breaking out the zayner-bolser handwriting books and have decided to go back to some phonetics stuff with Layla. I know she is going to hate it, but I think the problem she is having is an inability to sound things out. So, back to the basics. I am thinking Dr. Seuss and Shell Silverstein might be a good way to get some non-sense words into her reading and force her to sound things out. We'll see.

I am also going to start more Islamic education for them again. Truly, I have been a mess with that. I have no weekend school within reach, so it's all me and I have to get back to doing it on a regular basis. I do have one question though. How do you no-Arabi speakers like me handle the memorizing Quran? And what about resources for kids that aren't all just "memorize this, memorize that?" Hmmmm, if you have thoughts let me know. Actually the whole memorizing focus of Islamic education is a subject I would like to tackle, but it deserves its own post.

I have a digital camera again, and I will post pictures of their "study centers" when we get them finished, insha'Allah. If you mommies out there thoughts on good things to have in the home classroom just let me know;)

All I wanted was the simple things...

2008-11-17T09:32:00.004-07:00

What is the simple life? There is a song that I love by no doubt that says "All I ever wanted was the simple things, a simple kind of life. And now those simple things are simply too complicated for my life." I feel like I am living that song.

I know there is a stage where everyone wants to be a rock-star or an astronaut... You very rarely hear a young woman saying she wants to be a wife and a mother, but once you are past that I think many of us come to a place where that is all we want.

I had visions of my life when I was getting married that involved an Odyssey and 6 kids in a nice home in Denver, CO. Maybe even someplace bigger and warmer like California. I never saw us as rich, but I did think we would be comfortable with a house and a nice life. My DH was getting a PHD in Engineering after all. I saw this whole mom's night out, friends over for dinner social life I would have. I figured I would have a sewing room and I would make things for my kids. I saw myself having beautiful home-births and a husband who supported my interest in home-birthing. I thought I would home-school and have my children play sports and be involved in the local Muslim community. I thought I might even be a public speaker of some sort for Muslim women. I saw myself filling a freezer with fabulous home cooked meals so we would have wonderful family dinners even when I was busy. I thought we would take family vacations and camping trips. I envisioned a garden and canning things from it. I'm going to be honest, so don't think I'm mean or heartless here because I wouldn't trade my family for anything... If I had known what my life would be like now, I would've hitched up my jilbab and run full speed in the opposite direction.

So I am starting to wonder if I am in mourning for the loss of something that was just never mine to begin with? Am I punishing the people around me for failing to become my dream family? Is my sense of detachment coming from the feeling that this is not my life?

And the real question.... Considering that my dream life will NEVER happen now, what are my goals?

There is a sense of getting shortchanged that is hanging over my head like a black cloud. Even as I write this I am getting choked up. I'm not saying that no one would be happy with my life. Actually I'm sure there is a woman out there somewhere living my ideal life that hates it and would take mine and excel. She would not only enjoy my situation, she would thrive in it. And isn't that ironic and strange???

I'm all for the bloom where you are planted thing. But it is proving to be harder for me than it sounds. On some level, and maybe I am spoiled to some extent, I have decided that these things I want are deeper than that. They are in fact things I need. And maybe there is some truth to that. Can meeting the conditions for survival end up in fulfillment?

Imagine that I put you in a place you hate, lets say you are a summer person and I throw you in Alaska. Then I give you food and shelter, but it is also the exact opposite of what you would choose for yourself. You are a vegetarian and I give you a meat based diet. You like a small warm house I give you a spacious drafty one. You like to sew, and I give you a garage with a wood-shop. Do you think you could live your life and not just survive but be happy in it? Because I guess that is the situation I feel like I am in.

**sigh**

Seriously, I can take my lemons and make lemonade... But what if I don't like lemonade?

My new BFF

2008-11-14T11:45:00.002-07:00

If you don't see a picture on the post I'm probably blogging from my new BFF... A pink blackberry curve. Allah help you if you are on my IM list 'cause I am IMing from it as much as possible too. Oh, and of course texting at the speed of light. Very cool I must say. Thank you Verizon Wireless upgrade program!!!

Courtship vs Marriage

2008-11-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking while I was at the store shopping for a special dish for DH about the various reactions to my cooking over the years... When I was a girlfriend (I wasn't always Muslim you know) I heard, "Anything that you blew your breath on is wonderful." Then as a new wife I heard, "You cook food better than a restaurant!!!" Now as a wife of over a decade I hear, "Why are we wasting money at restaurants when you can cook?"

You figure that out! **wink**

Reality Bites

2008-11-03T13:43:00.005-07:00

Where were you when you realised that reality really does bite? I think I was in a horrible little apartment doing my bills with the check from my dream job (you know the one you get that magical degree for???). I saw that there was no way I was ever going to get ahead on the money I was making. Or, maybe it was when I was in labor with my first child and my husband was too tired to stay with me at the hospital and I had no one else to be there with me since I was in this weird little town. Anyway, I think I was in my mid-twenties when I saw all too clearly that my life was not going to be something from a magazine.

When I was up late a few nights ago I happened to catch the movie Reality Bites... I could see how it is kind of a mirror of our generations apathy and cynicism. I have to say it's on my list of movies that somehow strike a chord with me. Another one being Lost in Translation... And for some reason Fight Club (I guess I have some anger issues!LOL). So I am wondering dear readers... What are the movies that speak to you????

Tell me that's not cute!!!

2008-10-22T08:53:00.005-06:00

The baby and the puppy

Motherhood and frumpiness (is that a word?)...

2008-10-20T16:56:00.002-06:00

I have been noticing as we move that I have let myself fall into a major slump with my clothes. DH got me some nice things in Egypt, but most of them are not daily wear kinda stuff. And when I stand at my closet putting away what clothes I do wear on a daily basis... I am appalled at the depth of this frumpy oblivion I have fallen into.

So what I am wondering is, does motherhood make you frumpy? Have you noticed have women look good before kids, then there is a rough patch in their 30's and then they look fabulous again in their 40's??? The only conclusion I can come to is that it follows the having kids timeline. When I had "the" kid I was 24. I am now 34 with 4 kids and I look rough. I remember all the cute dresses I had when I was pregnant with my first two children... Now I don't even have any regular clothes that are that nice. So, I can see where by my 40's my kids will be older and I will be able to get myself back to normal again. But right now I am a mess.

So tell me dear readers... Does motherhood lead to letting your appearance go?

This old house

2008-10-16T06:52:00.002-06:00

You know that old Bob Villa show where they restore old houses? Well, I am living an episode of that right now. We are in a 1930's house that has been randomly updated and it seems like every time I go to do something I have to deal with 5 other unexpected projects as a result.

First, there was the plumbing. A leak by the stairs in the basement, one at a junction where we had the water meter installed (the house was un-metered until genius here decided to ask the city why there was no meter) and one in the washer line. So, my dad came to fix the leaks and every time he tightened a pipe the next fitting started to leak. I have since discovered that this is a fact of dealing with old galvanized piping...

That lead me to having a plumber tear out my bathroom wall where it was all rotted to get to the shower pipes. Well, the pipes are fixed but DH's friend who is going to put back the wall and tile it can't come until next week... So here we are with a big hole in our shower wall.

Then there is the washer dryer situation. We have a place for a stack washer dryer, but because of an electrical redo we don't have a 220 outlet for a dryer. Well, no problem, I ordered a 110 dryer (bet you didn't know there was such a thing did you?). Only to discover that there was no outlet in the area of the washer dryer!!! UGH!!! So, now I have to have an outlet installed by the washer dryer area and am running on an extension cord for now. Of course, my dryer is still on order... So I am hanging my clothes on lines I strung up around the basement!LOL

Did I mention that our furnace is off so we are running on only a pellet stove??? And did I mention that the fridge is zapping people??? What about the crumbling stairs to the basement???

~~le sigh~~

Overall though, I am really happy with this move. I like the house and there is a boys room and a girls room. Not to mention tons of storage in the basement. And I am loving the location closer to the center of town. I am also enjoying having things in order now and actually being able to have people come into my house!!! I called a repair guy yesterday and had him come over in 1 hour. And I didn't spend that hour running around cleaning like a mad woman. I have a dishwasher now, which is wonderful... And since I am so close to our construction I don't have to spend my day away from home when there is work being done there.

All in all we are happy with this house, and glad we moved. No matter what little problems we are having I think it is better overall than any place we have lived so far, alhamdulilah. I might have to post some pictures!

Been away too long

2008-10-08T17:18:00.003-06:00

I have been away for too long my blogging friends! I have been BUSY. I have started construction on a project we have been waiting on for too long, I moved, I had some health issues and was in the hospital overnight, and of course Ramadan. Oh yes, so many things.

I have been debating posting about all this, but I am having the issue of blogosphere and the real world intersecting. I don't know who reads this blog and knows me in life and that makes me nervous. Of course there are some people who I would have no problem know my intimate details, but they are the ones I know read this blog... It would help me to talk these things out, but short of moving to wordpress I am not sure how to do that...

So, I am actually going to start using a wordpress blog that I set up and have never used. I will link to it here, but you will need an invite. E-mail me @ ummlaylagd@yahoo.com if you want one. All I ask is that you keep out if you are gossipy or judgemental. I am keeping these things private because I don't want to run into someone I haven't been seeing and have them know all these things and I don't know they know... Or call my DH and tell him "hey, do you know what your wife is posting on the internet?" Anyway, e-mail me if you want in.

As for this blog, I have tons of things I want to write about!!! And of course I will do it soon. I just got an internet connection in my new house and I am ready to go!!!

I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt.

2008-08-28T10:29:00.003-06:00

So, let me tell you a joke... Because it relates to an experience I just had, and let me just say that I learned my lesson and will no longer be selling cars to a certain type of person... I should've known better. So here's the joke, sorry if you've already heard it.

A guy from upper Egypt(always the uneducated stereotyped scape goat in such jokes in Egypt) is visiting his brother in Cairo. He has been hearing people in his village talk about a new device called a DVD player. He decides to visit the electronics shop closest to his brother's house and see just how much such a device would cost. So he puts on his best jilbab and heads to the electronics store.

He enters and as he starts to look around the shop owner comes to him and says, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

The man leaves. Of course he is discouraged and after talking to his brother at dinner he decides to go back the next day. So in the morning he puts on his brothers suit, combs his hair and goes back to the same shop.

He enters and looks around, he decides they must not recognise him this time and says with confidence to the first salesman he sees, "How much is this DVD device?" The owner appears again only to tell him, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

Now this man is really mad. He will get that DVD player and that guy will eat his words. So, he goes to the salon and gets his hair styled in the latest fashion. Then he buys a new outfit from a shop at the mall. Finally, he goes to the optometrist and gets himself some blue contact lenses. Then he sits with a friendly lady at a coffee shop who tells him that he should say DVD player, not device. He is ready.

As the shop is abut to close he hurries in and acts as if he is looking around for the first time. When he comes to the thing he wants he points to it and asks the owner, "How much for this DVD player?" The owner says to him, "Sorry sir, but I don't sell to guys from upper Egypt."

Now, the guy is steamed. He has to ask now... "I did all these things to look sophisticated, and to say the right things... How did you still know I am from upper Egypt?"

The owner looks at him, exasperated. "Sir, the device you have been looking at isn't a DVD player at all. It's a microwave."

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!

Anyway, I'm pretty much back. As far as the novel, well... Hemingway always said the first draft was crap. And I'm gonna have to agree with that sentiment. I have the bones of something, but it needs work! I think I will edit during Ramadan since I usually have some time between fajr and suhoor. Insha'Allah I will post some though to get feedback. It has a distinct tone to the narration and I want to be sure people "get it".

Did you miss me???

2008-08-05T00:34:00.002-06:00

OK, so I know I haven't been sounding off as much as usual lately... And I have started my novel writing month so I will most likely be even quieter. Don't think I don't love you if I am not reading and commenting on your blog!!! I will be back to normal next month, but for now I have the internet connection turned off save a half an hour in the AM to check my e-mail. Gotta focus on writing if I'm going to meet the 1,600 some words a day thingi. BTW, current word count (in case you were wondering) 7,692.

You MUST watch this!!!

2008-07-28T10:01:00.002-06:00

So yesterday I woke up to watch the news with DH and we saw Fox (of course) talking about the "radical" Muslim campaign to "recruit" people via subway ads. Naturally, I had to get to the bottom of it. This is what I found, and if you have money to support it I think you should, insha'Allah. It starts during Ramadan, insha'Allah.

Women's work?

2008-07-24T14:19:00.003-06:00

Why is it that everything distasteful and difficult ends up as women's work??? Sure the men may come and lug the heavy boxes to storage, but who packs them? The men pay for the grocery's, but who is in charge of every other aspect of food service in the house? They buy the clothes and we wash them, but them away, mend them... And of course whose fault is it when the house in in disarray??? Well, it isn't the husband. Ugh. I think it's hard to say which is worse, working or keeping up with the house. I have my days where I am ready to trade my apron for a business suit... And yet I know that working sisters have it even worse, they have only added to their responsibilities.

I have decided that I have to clear my life of all the things that I have been putting off. Moving the things in our old house to storage... Cleaning it and getting all the repairs done and over with so hopefully it will sell. Also, admitting the fact that I will never re-open my store and moving out of it. And closing any accounts that are associated with it... As I am writing that sounds simple and easy. But it is not. I know I have a miserable week of fighting with DH ahead of me. I know he will say, "Why didn't you do this sooner?" and "Don't throw that away!!!" and the dreaded, "I need this at the house!" As if my tiny apartment isn't already bursting at the seams.

It is an arduous task... But one that no one else will do... Trust me I have been trying for a year to hire for it, convince DH to do it... No luck. It's all me... So here I go. I wish I could say the end is in site, but I know that all this will only deliver me to starting construction on our new property:P

I just wanna say....

2008-07-13T17:31:00.000-06:00

What are you doing to get ready???

Are you up to the challenge???

2008-07-09T08:03:00.004-06:00

I am taking the novel in a month challenge... And I am looking for partners in crime and/or people to keep me honest about it. The same guy who does NaNoWriMo now has a book and I will be making August my month, insha'Allah.

This is an effort to get back to me. I am at my best when creating, and I have to get myself committed to it so I don't keep just saying tomorrow, tomorrow... I know with all that I have going right now taking on another thing seems slightly insane, but I think that since this a me thing it will actually be good for me. Not to mention that doing this will give me a great sense of accomplishment, insha'Allah.

So, come on!!! If you have thought about doing it, lets make it a little Muslim Bloggers novel in a month thing. And of course if you are interested in helping keep me honest I will give you my e-mail and you can harass me about my word count at will during the entire month of August;) Of course I may need ~~victims~~ readers once I finish too.

Ana Masry

2008-07-03T17:22:00.004-06:00

Cool song... And I'm not complaining or anything, but why does a Lebanese person have to say it???? The only thing that would make me love it more is if it was by an Egyptian singer...

Required reading for wanna-be's like me

2008-06-28T15:58:00.003-06:00

The Yacoubian Building by: Alaa Al Aswany

I am deep into this book (which I have been hoping they would translate after I read about it when they were making the movie in Egypt) and I stumbled onto it in Target the other day. It is WONDERFUL. I am enjoying the modern history mixed in with culture and a cast of characters that manages to embody the idiosyncrasies of Egypt herself. DH has decided that after reading this I am TRUELY ready to get my Egyptian citizenship!LOL

So here is your homework... Go read it!!! Say you need diapers, or milk, or some other urgent thing and run out and get it. Then brew a pot of black tea with a sprig of mint and find a comfortable chair to sit and read in. Really, it's that good. And maybe I'll be giving a pop quiz... I was schooled as a literature teacher after all.

****WARNING**** This book does have sexual content, but you should read it anyway... 'Cause like it's necessary sexual content.

This is not my beautiful life...

2008-06-27T11:27:00.003-06:00

You know the song Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads? I have always loved that song... And right now I feel I am living it. I feel as if I am driving through someone elses life or something. I don't know what it is... Maybe I was too into the book I just read, The Time Traveler's Wife, or something. Have you ever had that feeling?

I am longing for a house, a "normal" life... And I can't imagine that this mess of obligations and businesses all crammed into this little apartment is ACTUALLY my life. I always thought I would have a 9-5 type husband with a job and a tidy little benefits package. I also always thought I would have a house and spend my time shuttling the kids to and from violin lessons and soccer practice... Maybe have friends over for dinner on Saturday nights... And a family vacation once a year to someplace warm...

I am numb from all the things that are my daily life. I have so many dramas that they don't even seem like dramas at all anymore. DH asks me "What will move you?" when something goes on and I just sit back... Well, very little these days because if I went into panic mode over every little thing I would be in an in-patient treatment facility. But living like this is getting to me. Yesterday DH was watching a TLC show about a family with 8 kids (John and Kate Plus 8) and he remarked how nice the house was even though they had 8 kids, and how he wished he had a house like that. I laid into him. "Yea, well they have a garage and a basement... They have probably over 4000 sq feet and they can keep the kids stuff out of the main areas!!!" I yelled with as much venom as I could muster. And you know what? I was really mad about it. I got to thinking how silly our situation is, and how we are waiting for this daycare and wasting our money on all these businesses and I was really ready to explode. I laid in bed all day... And I can't really afford to do that. The nice thing was DH had the kids clean and when I finally got up to cook dinner the house was better than I had left it in the AM...

I don't know how to get myself back into the shoes of this person whose life I am living... I feel like I am watching things happen and I have no control. I'm just a gerbil on a wheel, running and running but getting nowhere. **big sigh** Am I weird or have any of you ever felt this way?

Can I rant about food for a minute???

2008-06-08T17:28:00.002-06:00

I have some complaints about food, and since DH and I are both consummate foodies... Food is a big thing here in our house. Please stay with me and try to muddle through the sarcasm... I'm laying in on thicker than my bechamel...

1)Halal butchers (or halal haramies in most cases): Why is it that "halal" (which is incorrect for so many reasons really, it's more of a brand name... I would say zabiha, but I digress) butchers have the tendency to cut corners and price gouge? And why don't they have standards? Case in point... DH just bought about 20lbs of ground meat, 1/2 lamb and 1/2 beef. And the butcher put it all in bags labeled ground beef with no indicator to tell you which was which. So, now here I am defrosting bags praying that I guessed right. Of course lamb and beef taste totally different so I have ended up screwing up dishes because the lamb is too strong in them. Walahi, the guy at the supermarket has pity on me and my 4 kids and tries to help out by cutting things special for me and suggesting meat that will be good for what I am cooking... Why doesn't the brother???

2)Spoiled family members: I'm not going to name names here (but I think a D and an H are involved) but my culinary generosity has landed me in a situation where naming your own alternative dinner five minutes before we eat is the norm. This is a PAIN in my rear. What it does is throw me into a last minute panic and scramble even if I have planned and prepared ahead of time. Not nice. Ditto to special request for things you want 10 minutes from now and I don't have the ingredients for.

3)Wheat in everything: I know wheat is cheap, but I have an allergy to gluten which cuts it out of my diet... And I know it's a binder and all that... But does EVERYTHING processed have to have it? And do all cereals have to have malt (which also has gluten)? Alternatives people, PUHLEEESE!!!

4)Expensive, underripe, homogeneous produce: Does it occur to the marketing people here in the US that apples, oranges, pears and bananas are not the only fruit in the world? What about the concept that produce is seasonal... It's a big word I know, but it means that different fruit grows at different times of the year. Your produce section should probably reflect that.

5)Labeling and marketing should be separate issues: Although SOME people might be inclined to think that the word "natural" on a label actually means something... I am not. And although I do have my days where I feel only a rung above drooling imbecile even I know that you don't add hormones and antibiotics to chicken post-mortem!!!! So will you stop using things like "natural" on things like canned fruit, which was ALWAYS "natural"? And will you stop labeling meat with "no added hormones or antibiotics" and then having that fine print saying "the USDA prohibits the addition of hormones or antibiotics to all meat and poultry products" like I won't notice?

SIGH.... Just my two piasters as usual;)

I've been away too long!!!

2008-06-06T10:37:00.002-06:00

Well, I have so many posts in my head that I want to write and very little time to write them! With DH back and the kids out of school things have fallen back into the familiar rhythm of days full with little chores and errands. The baby turned two on the 4th, I made her a kitty cake (pictured above) and her favorite dinner, spaghetti with meatballs.

Also, we are trying to get things caught up since DH's absence... Mainly this means collecting money and paying bills. Also, there is other stuff with his work and so on. Mostly, we are getting ready to move again (seems to happen often for us) to a little 3 bedroom with an unfinished basement. The goo thing is the kids will have separate rooms and we will have a laundry area in the basement, insha'Allah. I will also have a dishwasher again, yea!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all an update. Insha'Allah more substantive posts are in the works;)

Cake for a party...

2008-05-24T11:39:00.003-06:00

Here's a sandcastle cake I made for a last day party at Yousuf's preschool. I got the idea from Family Fun magazine. Don't you just love kid's cakes? They make me smile.

Remember these on SNL???

2008-05-19T13:57:00.002-06:00

I was just thinking of the deep thoughts bit on SNL today. Remember that? A kinda tongue in cheek response to the self help craze of the late 80's? I had a standing Saturday night babysitting job for a couple years when I was a pre-teen and I watched SNL every Saturday night. Remember Jack Handey's deep thoughts??? Here are a few that still strike me as funny;) Enjoy. And try not to wonder what someone who finds these funny pays for therapy. I am such an interesting case that I get all my professional help for free!LOL

Deep Thoughts

The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then I told myself, 'Go ahead, do whatever you want, it's ok by me.'
Jack Handey

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Jack Handey

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Jack Handey

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
Jack Handey

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what *really* throws you into a panic.
Jack Handey

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
Jack Handey

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
Jack Handey

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
Jack Handey

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
Jack Handey

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
Jack Handey

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
Jack Handey

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
Jack Handy

Sectarian garbage... Can we throw it out???

2008-05-16T12:41:00.005-06:00

I went to do a presentation on the holidays we celebrate in Islam yesterday at my children's school for the 2nd and 3rd grades. Now, the topic was holidays... But the question and answer time went in a different direction. Of course I got the usual, "Why do you wear that thing on your head?". But a 3rd grader asked me a question that took me by surprise. And remember I was a teacher so it is pretty hard for a kid to say something that surprises me.

This little boy asked me... "Is it true that there was a fight when Muhammad died and the Muslims couldn't decide whether a more experienced guy or a guy who was related to Muhammad should lead them? Is it true that Muslims are still fighting about it?"

And whenever I hear something like this from a non-Muslim, I feel like the soft underbelly of the ummah has been exposed. Our weakness laid bare before people who may very well use it to harm us.

**sigh**

Of course the answer had to be yes. The kid even knew that the two groups were called Shia and Sunni... The only thing he didn't know was which was which. The only thing I could say after my yes is that we are all Muslims, regardless of what we think about this matter.

But I don't think that we all feel that way really. The divide between the sects runs deep. And if we truly want to end the fighting we have to admit that first. There is a reason that we are divided, there are differences between the two sects... But, insha'Allah, in the end what I said to that boy is true we are all Muslims.

We can all ignore it for as long as we want. We have avoided coming together for what 1400 years now??? But in this country and in this time when we have our face in the dirt and the rest of the world has its' foot on our back can we really afford to? Can we afford to let these differences keep us so busy fighting amongst ourselves that progress is impossible? How long will we let our own self hatred hold us back? You know how the worst fights are with the people closest to you?

So let it start with me. Hi, I'm Sunni. But I promise not to judge you or hate on you because you are Shia. Promise me that you will give me the same respect. I'm not going to front... I think you are a little off about some things, I've wondered if we are even following the same religion when I read books about it from the Sunni perspective and I know you think the same about me... I hope that we can talk about the differences in our interpretations of the religion and try to understand each other better. I hope you know that if you are next to me in the Masjid you can hold your hands to your side as you read Al-Fatiha and I will cross mine on my chest knowing that we are making these gestures with the same intention, the worship of Allah(swt).

We can't make peace with the non-Muslims until we make peace with ourselves. Just my two piasters.

Is the middle way the road less traveled?

2008-05-10T13:00:00.004-06:00

I struggle to find my way through the maze of choices in this life every day. I kinda feel like I am stuck with either going to the extremes of the issues to be accepted by one group or staying with the middle path and having both sides disapprove. Now I'm not saying that approval is the most important factor in my decision making process. To be honest it rarely even factors in, unless we are talking about my husband which is another post entirely.

So, I guess what I am asking is where has the middle path gone? Does it exist? I feel inspired to keep looking for it when I hear someone such as Haza Yousuf speak... But I feel I rarely see it in my actual life. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places, who knows.

Something I struggle with is whose opinion to take when I am seeking an answer to a question that I feel is unclear in my knowledge of the deen. Let's take pigs. I have heard with my own ears learned men saying that the FLESH of the pig is what is forbidden so gelatin is OK because it is made from BONES. No, I'm not kidding you. Now on the other extreme I have had Muslims flip out when they saw Layla's Piglet toy. "Oh!!!!! A pig!!!! Is that a pig your daughter has?!?!?!? HARAM!!!!!" Where is the middle path people? No, I won't eat gelatin. But yes I will give our daughter a stuffed pig if it makes her happy. On second thought, let's not start on toys that look like living things... Oh I don't even want to try and unravel that one with you! So, I just want to ask have you noticed the following...

**If a new sister puts on hijab but has an American twist on it people will tell her it's not "proper hijab". If that same sister puts on jilbab and khimar people will tell her she's too extreme and she doesn't have to wear all that.

**If you get a loan and buy a big house the Muslims will come to visit you, ooggle over it and say masha'Allah about 70 times during thier visit. Then, behind your back they will criticise you for dealing in interest. However, if you buy a smaller house they will say masaha'Allah to your explanation of not dealing in interest and then behind you back go on about "How can he shove his whole family in that horrible little house??? His poor wife!"

**If you are a mother and you bring your kids to the mosque people will be irritated with thier behavior. If you stay home they will chastise you for never going to the mosque.

**If a brother marries an attractive woman (especially from a different nationality) he will be criticised for only choosing her based on looks. If he marries a sister who isn't so attractive everyone will be gossiping about what's the secret reason he would marry someone unattractive??? Money, a good job, dating her before marriage and her family forced him???

**If you support the Muslims in places like Palestine too much you will be accused of being an extremest. If you don't you will be abandoning the ummah.

**If you like to go to the movies, listen to music, read popular literature... You will be too Western. But if you unplug the TV and never spend another penny on popular movies or music... You are extreme.

You see where I am going with this... Right? I guess the Muslims are never happy. But also we can't seem to find a middle ground and leave people alone about it. Why is that? And what can we do about it? Just thoughts people, just thoughts...

Not everything that's good is easy...

2008-05-07T10:16:00.003-06:00

I have not been practicing truley mindful guidance/discipline with my children for quite some time. My husband has taken on the role of disciplinarian and I gladly let him have it. Now with him overseas I have had to take on that role and own it. And it has been hard.

I have a temper. And I have too much work to do anyway... Which makes dealing with an explosive child very hard for me. I told DH and decided in my own mind that I was not going to spank. DH does (a literal slap on the hand which seems to be an Egyptian thing), and so have I because this is what the consequences are in our home... So this is a departure for us. I am reserving spanking for the rare instance where the child is putting himself in harms way... Which has not happened since the 20th of April when DH departed. And I am now trying to have the punishment fit the crime (so to speak). Make a mess, clean it up. Take advantage of a freedom (playing outside for example) lose it.

What has surprised me is that staying calm and limiting discipline to taking away toys or privileges has been hard for me. It seems like the more I bottle up the yelling the more angry I am. Also, I think I was satisfied by the immediacy of the slap on the hand in a way. It was easier than following through on things that happen later such as no TV time, or no dessert... And what is different about delayed consequences for me is that I have a second explosion to deal with when they are enforced.

I know my kids are old enough to understand consequences. They are 5, 6, and 8 now... And of course the 2yo is out of the equation. I know that this is the better way... It also seems to be the harder way. Much harder.

One thing I did about a month before DH left was a schedule. We have set times to do things. Breakfast, lunch, nap time for the baby, play outside/free play, dinner, bath times boys and girls on alternating days, and then reading and workbooks before bed. It made a huge difference. And I have been hiring for things that need to be done for DH's business that will take me out of my schedule. What does this have to do with discipline you ask? Well, I find that anticipating blow-ups and not just letting the kids run randomly from one thing to the next helps me AVOID having to discipline.

Doing the right thing isn't always easy. And it isn't always what you WANT to do. I would love to spank someones behind and send them to bed when they trash the room they are supposed to be playing in... But now I calmly tell them they will have to clean it up before the timer goes off or they will be missing dessert or TV time that evening. Allah be with me... I am trying!LOL

Read Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline...I know I'm reading it AGAIN!

Language software, yea!

2008-05-05T12:42:00.002-06:00

How happy am I to finally get the homeschool version of Rosetta Stone Arabic? VERY!!! I can't wait to get started. I am thinking 30 minutes every day for the kids... And maybe an hour for me (providing I can have an hour without interruption). Is my dream of speaking Arabi at home one step closer???? Insha'Allah.

this is cool, check it out!

2008-05-03T09:33:00.001-06:00

Playground theology...

2008-04-30T12:12:00.002-06:00

Let me preface this by saying that I have always explained God as the "creator"... Here is a conversation I had today with my 5yo.

DS: Do all Americans believe in Allah?

EW: Well, I think most Americans believe in one God... But they don't call him Allah.

DS: On the day of judgment will they have to meet Allah too?

EW: Yes, all the people who ever lived on earth will be before Allah on the day of judgement to talk about the good things and the bad things they did while they were alive.

DS: But how will they talk if they are dead?

EW: Well, since Allah created us he knows how we work and he can make us again.

DS, after much thought: So, like I know what is in cookies... Powder (aka flour) and butter and sugar... So I can make them whenever I want. So Allah has all the 'gredients (aka ingredients) to make us come alive again! Like that?

EW: Sure, kinda like that;)

The what if...

2008-04-29T19:29:00.004-06:00

I have been contemplating a post like this for some time... And I have been trying to think of a way that I can express myself without just sounding like a crazy person or someone bragging about her past and remembering things as they never really were... But I have been watching so many sentimental movies while my DH is overseas that I can no longer resist the urge. I am about to tell you things that even my DH doesn't know, things he has never heard all of or even most of in a way that would enable him to have an accurate picture. I suspect he knows this... He has told me many times "that period of my life is still a mystery." And it is, even to me. But here is what I know.

It wasn't 100% that I would become The Egyptian's Wife, even though I wouldn't take it back ever. I had a weird few years after graduating college and I could've married one of a few different men... And DH still thinks to this day that the reason I didn't is that they never asked with the intention of actually doing it. And he still jokes/laments when times are bad "See, you shouldve married the Saudi." What's closer to the truth is that none of them were someone I could be with for various reasons.

In high school I met a cardiologist doing military service to pay for med school who asked me to marry him. He asked me after he was relocated to another city, and did so by numerous letters. I didn't have the maturity/guts to even open them until my second year of college. Then I took an entire day reading them. They broke my heart. I gave him the wrong impression and was truly unfair to never respond to his letters. I was a child, he assumed I was angry at the idea that he left me in Denver without any promise to continue our relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth... I was just a flighty adolescent. I wrote him when I was in college and he quit the military and became a minister. He later married a woman he met at a Christian summer camp where she was a counselor and he was a youth minister.

I guess I could've been a preacher's wife.

In college I met, was engaged to and lived with a man who had more money than sense. He was Japanese, and his family was wealthy. No, WEALTHY. No, WEALTHY!!!!! And he was spoiled and probably sociopath because he was sent off to school too young to have ever formed a real bond with his parents. When we got to the point of me actually considering moving there and getting married... He started to get into drugs, and it was downhill from there. He would've been a bad choice anyway, people raised in that kind of opulence just seem to be out of touch with reality most of the time, in my opinion.

I guess I could've been a harajuku girl.

Then I moved back to Denver and was teaching a preschool class when spotted by a Saudi boy. He arranged for my teaching assistant to introduce us (he knew her) and we dated. I liked him. Of all the men other than my DH... He is the only one I might be bold enough to use the word love with. He introduced me to Islam. He witnessed my shahada. He was there for that life changing discovery that now has its' place at the center of my life. I still read from the Yusuf Ali translation in the Quran he gave me every day. It's not like I am sorry that I didn't marry him... It's that he was a part of such an important part of my life. My husband knows him because after my DH and I got engaged he came to me and caused enough doubt in my husband's mind about me that he called off the engagement for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks this boy who had begged so desperately for my affection during the days after he found out I was engaged never was able to reconcile his culture and his feelings for me. In the end... I told him unless he was ready to defend his choice to marry me he wasn't ready to make it. And he wasn't. I decided I would rather never get married than attach myself to a man who could just go back to his family at any moment. The last time I saw the Saudi boy was at a lecture in Denver, and even though I was pregnant with two small children in tow our eyes met long enough for me to be sure he recognised me and that made him very uncomfortable.

So I guess I could've been a Saudi princess.

Then there is the Egyptian, the judge's son, the boy who stayed in the US and gave up everything in Egypt to care for his sister here in the states after an accident left her disabled. My husband. I feel like through all the struggles and years I know he was the one I was meant to marry. He is the one who I needed to force me to wake up. To force me to become a stronger person. To force me to do things I wouldn't have dreamed of. There have been bad things... I have struggles I don't think we need and I know I don't want... But we are stronger because of it. I can say that I could've chosen another man, but in the end I don't know that's true. It had to be him somehow. And when he called me after 2 weeks of waiting patiently assuming that I would've married the Saudi boy by now... I knew anyone who would have the heart to let me go because he thought I might be happier with the other man and the guts to make that phone call on the off chance I was still available was the person I was meant to be with.

So that friends, is how I became The Egyptian's Wife.

If you are shy, well... Read this post anyway!!!

2008-04-27T21:08:00.010-06:00

I am writing this because I was inspired by this post on Miss Muslimah's blog. I think it is an interesting topic, and one I would encourage all women to sit down and talk about with their husbands. Now I am not a scholar, or an "expert" of any kind... I am just a woman who has been married almost 10 years now to a man who is pretty upfront about these things and I hope women whose husbands are a little more reserved might benefit from this discussion. It is my opinion that sex can either be the glue holding your marriage together or the slow tide wearing it down day after day.

In Islam men have the right to demand sex whenever they want it. I think it is fairly well known. And I know many Muslimahs have shook their heads at it. But remember that sex for a married couple is an act of worship. A way to protect themselves from the evils outside. So think about this:God's Messenger(s) said: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)
And also I want to talk about some consideration for the wife because in the Quran Allah says:

"Women shall have rights similar to the rights upon them; according to what is equitable and just; and men have a degree of advantage over them." (Quran, 2:216)

I want to point out that I feel the major reason that women see sex as an imposition rather than a relaxation/enjoyment they can share with their spouse is the failure to achieve orgasm on a regular basis, and/or the failure of the husband to spend adequate time on foreplay. Now stop blushing!!! I am serious here!!! There are numerous occasions where this is considered in the prophetic tradition... And I would encourage you to read about it further, there is some great Q&A on SunniPath. It bears mentioning that women are also guilty of letting this problem go unspoken. How can you expect a spouse to alter his/her behavior if you stay silent on the matter?

This brings me to another point. I think it is important to experiment sexually with your spouse. You should try different things, you should talk about your likes and dislikes, and you should share your fantasies with each other. Who will you have these conversations with if not your spouse? Who will you fulfill your desires with if not your spouse? Go to bed before you are exhausted when you can and spend time together. Lock the door and just enjoy each others company. And don't tell me haram!!! There is only one thing that is haram. Anal sex. Anything else might be frowned on by some jurists or whatever... But only one thing carries the big H word.

Half of physical intimacy (if not more) is actually mental. If either spouse feels ignored, undesirable, put-upon, whatever... You will not have a mutually satisfying sexual experience. So keep this in mind when you are having troubles in this department. Ask yourself "How must my spouse be feeling in this situation?"

Let me give you an example... Ahmed comes home from work every day tired and all he wants to do is eat dinner and watch Al-Jazeerah until he winds down and is ready to go to sleep. The couple puts the kids to bed, hangs out until isha... Prays and goes to bed. Then, Ahmed approaches Khadija (it seems to her) from out of nowhere wanting to be intimate. Night after night she agrees and the feeling of sex being one more thing on her to do list builds. Soon, she is never approaching him with interest... Because there is nothing in the whole process for her. Ahmed begins to suspect that Khadija has simply lost interest in sex after being married for some time and having children. Khadija starts to think that if Ahmed still found her attractive he would certainly spend more time on pleasing her as he did when they were first married. Pretty soon sex is a source of tension rather than a relief from it. Do you see where I am going with this???

There is nothing in Islam that suggests married people shouldn't enjoy intimacy. Quite the opposite actually. Sex with your spouse is not only a halal enjoyment... It is a good deed. So I think it is our duty to pursue happiness and fulfilment in this area. And to have open and honest discussions about what brings us pleasure with our spouses. A good sex life builds a bond that nothing else can.

As wives, we are in a unique position to do this. I'm sure that if you go to your husband tonight all cleaned up and looking good saying that you want to talk about what you would like to try and what desires he has he will not turn you away!LOL You might even end the evening on a very good note;) Now on the other hand, he might feel that if he goes to you he is pressuring you or embarrassing you... So I think wives should take this one.

Another thing I want to address is timing. Now timing can be seen on two levels. Timing of the entire act and timing of the things you do within the act. So for general timing... I think you need to have time when you can be left alone. That might be different for each couple. Maybe after fajr for you... Maybe during DH's lunch break when the kids are at school... Maybe at night after the kids are in bed... You see what I'm saying? Now timing within the act. OK, I can't think of a nice way to say this... So I will just say it. Once men achieve orgasm they are DONE (generally, men don't get all mad at that idea). So, the woman needs to achieve orgasm first in most cases. Now I know all husbands are stallions and all (right ladies?) but most women will not achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Sorry guys, it has nothing to do with you... So ladies, you will have to talk to your guy about getting you there however you like. And men, please have patience and don't skip this part of the process!!!

I say all this because I think enjoying sex is important for your marriage. I think lots of couples are frustrated for the simple reason that they are not thinking of the other person when they are in the bedroom. I assure you if women achieve orgasm the majority of the time, and husbands actually enjoy sex rather than just having it (there is a difference) the entire marriage will benefit.

I want everyone reading this to consider something pretty profound. If you and your spouse are leading Islamic lives, you are one another's only source of sexual fulfillment. Let me say that again. You are your spouses only source for sexual fulfillment. And that is a big thing.

Part of protecting your spouse from adultery is making sure that you fulfill his/her desires. Women, don't let your men go looking at work!!! Men, don't let your women turn into an episode of Desperate Housewives!!! If you really want to be a garment for your spouse as the Quran says... You have to know what that implies. You are a protection from the outside world. Now I know that there are more aspects to this than sex, but I am talking about sex for now.

So don't freak out at this idea. Consider it seriously. If the conversation stalls or you get nothing from it you and your spouse go through a book about sex (not porn guys, sheesh!!! a real informative book for couples!!!) and talk about the things you read. Be proactive. Wives, you will not have a satisfying sex life if you just lie there waiting for him to do something that excites you. Husbands, your wife will not magically get you vibes about your secret fantasies and desires until you talk to her about them. Please kids... Islam has given you the license to enjoy sex and get rewards for it. Your marriage will benefit from truly enjoying this God given right. And you shouldn't just disregard this gift Allah(swt) has given us.

Randomness from DH being gone...

2008-04-26T17:38:00.002-06:00

DH being gone has given me the opportunity to do some random things around the house...

1) Clean out the fridge, freezer and dry goods. I have been cooking from what I have stored in the house for the past week. The only thing I bought is milk. This would never fly with DH because anything that isn't a dish he knows done in the way he likes gets labeled an "invention" and complained about extensively. Also, anything not cooked in portions large enough to feed an army is frowned upon because DH hates not having as much of a dish as everyone wants (he grew up fighting over the last bit of certain foods with his siblings).

2) Go through all the clothes in the house and donated bags without having to argue about whether or not we should save them to take to Egypt.

3) Just sit with the kids and finish going through old toys and things in their room.

4) Switch the baby to a toddler bed.

5) Stay up late and watch movies DH would never agree to watch.

6) Re-pot every plant in the house.

7) Clean out the sandbox (you have to replace the sand in our plastic sandbox every spring because it starts to smell).

8) Use the washer and dryer without having to worry about sharing (DH like to do his own laundry... Not that he folds it he leaves the joy of that to me):P

9) Never have to ask "Do you mind if we ____ today?".

10) Sleep on his side of the bed with the TV remote and the control of the lights all to myself!!! **evil laugh**

Seriously, I miss him... But I don't. He can be a pretty demanding person and even though he left me with a serious to do list I am doing it on my own time. So it's kinda easier. And I can skip all the extra steps he like to take in doing things without him ever knowing. It just goes to show that our life will be easier when he has a job that doesn't involve me!LOL

Oh, and an aside... I am going to have time to sew, which means all the people I promised those gifts to a month ago will actually get them in the coming week!LOL You know who you are;)

Call for pen-pals...

2008-04-25T11:34:00.001-06:00

I am looking for someone to exchange letters with my kiddos this summer. I am building a summer school program and want to include this to help with the whole reading and writing thing, insha'Allah. Does anyone who has kiddos feel like taking on a pen-pal project???? My DD is 8 and our DS is 6. If you are interested e-mail me at ummlaylagd@yahoo.com.

How I'm holding up...

2008-04-24T21:12:00.004-06:00

Well, everyone asks how things are without DH here to help... And I have to say that things seem to be going pretty well around the house. I have a stressful situation with my son's school going on (more in a minute), but nothing that DH being here would help with. Overall, things are getting done and DH's business is going fine. I was hoping to be able to do more, but I always overestimate my actual abilities;)

I got a call from the school counselor today... And she wants to meet with me tomorrow. I guess my son told her I "beat" him for breaking the toddler bed last night. Well, yes I did smack his hand for breaking the bed. And since the "spank" or "smack" doesn't make sense to my Arabic speaking husband the kids tend to call this "beat". So I explained that to this pseudo-mental health professional and she still insisted on meeting with me about my son's "behavior" and how he has been "upset" lately. Which I think all comes from his home room teacher who HATES us from day one (she's also a minority so I think it's one of those things where you treat the newer minority group like dirt to feel superior). The counselor was insinuating that this had something to do with my DH being gone and maybe things were crazy at my house since then... And I told her we are talking about days here but I don't think she heard me. She seems to think there is something going on in our home that I am not telling her about. Now what that is in her mind I have no idea.

I guess what irks me is that she talked to my son without my permission. She saw that he was upset in class and then took him out to question him without notifying me. I hate that. And it is just what I feared would happen to us here in hicksville. They are chasing this negative stereotype of "Arabs" and I am sure if they keep trying they will find a reason to say we are bad parents. UGH.

I got pretty upset with my husband about this. I let him have it about not caring what investments we have here, if they are seeking to take my kids none of it is worth the dirt it sits on... But he insists that we just have to fight from the beginning and be proactive about it. Whatever. I've heard that from him before... And EVERY time we go to small claims here in with a dispute with over a rental or a bill or whatever... We lose. As the tenant, as the landlord, as the person being owed money, as the person owing money. It's funny actually. I have never seen anything like it.

I'm sure that I am paranoid. I am sure that I am overreacting and that this "counselor" wants to talk to me about my son's behavior as much as what he said to her (I have mentioned the "problems" he has been having this year before). But I feel like these things are just modern day witch hunts. Once they start there is no way to prove your innocence. So I am paranoid... Even though she said, "I understand he's a kid... And it's not like I'm going to report this to DFS or something." I am worried.

I hate this place.

Allah, deliver me.

Ya Rubb!

**UPDATE 4/26**

I talked to the counselor yesterday and much to my relief she is a real psychologist... Which is hopefully a good thing. We talked about some other things that he has going on and how he has come to the school with stories about big kids taking his lunch, us moving to another state, and other random stuff. So she thinks it's stress... And she wants to talk to the teacher about it. She said she will get back to me with what she hears from the teacher.

However, she coincidentally overheard the teacher complaining to someone about me talking to the principal and requesting that my younger son not be in her class next year. The Dr was pretty surprised and came to her own idea that maybe the teacher was singling us out without me having to even mention it. I credit Him with this... what are the chances that after she was ready to call me in about all this she overheard a conversation like that? Subhan'Allah.

So here we are. But it has triggered a fight with DH. He is all miffed and blaming me for not being more aggressive about our problems with that teacher. I am blaming him for not making our family a priority and always putting me in these situations where I have to fight with people.

I am not a fighter by nature... So I have been a wreck with it. Fighting with the city, with contractors, in small claims, with the teachers at the school, with billing people from various places, basically with everyone. I HATE being put in this situation where my life is constantly filled with conflict. I can't have peace like this. I am not a confrontational person by nature. Something has to be pretty extreme and pretty important to me before I will get into it with anyone. So being like this gets me all tied up in knots. I have been taking migraine meds like candy. I finished a supply that usually lasts me 6 months in one and am actually considering a daily preventive one even though I hate that idea. Well, alhamdulilah I have a good one because my migraines will keep me in bed otherwise... It's an involuntary day off if I get one and I don't have my meds. Every once in a great while I will test it to be sure and it never fails me!LOL

I still hold to the idea that this place is the problem... But I don't think DH is going anywhere. He even suggested that we build our own file of good things and get witnesses ready if there is a DFS case filed against us. This is ridiculous, IMHO. I don't know why we have to live here if it is such a problem... And it makes me nervous for the daycare. I know I will have employees and all... But the idea is in my head now that people here just don't like/trust us so all I need is one mad client.

Anyway things went fine, alhamdulilah. Thanks for your well wishes.

DH is off!

2008-04-21T08:33:00.002-06:00

So after much last minute packing and rushing around DH was off to Egypt last night. I am in Denver, hanging out for the afternoon since today was a teacher in-service day for the kids anyway. It's a good thing because I was TIRED and wouldn't have been able to make it back anyway. We got up at 4am and started packing all the piles of things DH wanted to bring into his bags and doing some last minute paper work for the business.

In the end I had packed the bags to 50lbs. I spent some time doing this and ended up getting rid of a few things (candy and pistachios) that DH had in there. I got to the check in only to discover that the new 50lb limit isn't going into effect for BA until November, and I could've fit the things I left behind and then some because my actual limit was 70lbs!LOL Oh well. DH can fit more gifts for us on the way back **big wink**.

All kidding aside... Please keep DH in your dua. He is traveling and the 24th is the one year anniversary of his mother's death. This is the first time he has been since her passing and I know it will be sad for him.

I should know better...

2008-04-17T11:25:00.003-06:00

I am potty training my almost 2yo right now and all I have to say is that I have amnesia. Every time I embark on this potty training thing I forget what a mess/pain it is for me. I don't have stories about children who just stopped wetting themselves one day... Or came to me asking to be potty trained. No.

My first child did well at about 23 months and then promptly went back to diapers when my second was born about a month later.

My second didn't train until he was a little over 3yo...

My third trained at about 2 1/2 and drove me nuts by pooping in the corner of the playroom rather than his potty.

So why would the fourth be any different? I should know better than to think that she would be. I should be experienced enough to know that experience has nothing to do with these matters. And of course I don't even want to get into the whole competitive parenting thing where you get into using these events as measures of your skill as a mother. No, I will not go there.

But here I am potty training the baby. UGH. It is never a nice process. No one likes cleaning pee off the floor... No one likes prying a writhing toddler out of a messy pair of underwear... No one want to memorise the location of the restroom every time they enter a public building. No one. But we do it, and we manage to come through with our sanity intact... Long enough to forget it all before the next child. Maybe that's a blessing. Maybe we would never have that second child if we remembered all these little trials on detail.

Long overdue memes...

2008-04-11T13:46:00.003-06:00

First meme from goodnight lamplight :)

Rules:
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4. Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

My Memoir:

Affectionate brooding
creative Mother
seeking, submitting.

Meme from Bipolar Muslimah :)

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Rules:
1) Answer the following questions
2) Post on your blog with link to who tagged you
3) Tag a minimum of three other bloggers and include links to their blog in your tag. Make sure to let them know you’ve tagged them too.

Meme Questions:

1) What Qur’anic verse do you find most inspiring and why? What does it mean to you personally?

Sūra 93: Dhuḥā, or The Glorious Morning Light
(as translated by Yusuf Ali)

By the Glorious Morning Light,
And by the Night when it is still,-
Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased.
And verily the Hereafter will be better for thee than the present.
And soon will thy Guardian-Lord give thee (that wherewith) thou shalt be well-pleased.
Did He not find thee an orphan and give thee shelter (and care)?
And He found thee wandering, and He gave thee guidance.
And He found thee in need, and made thee independent.
Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness,
Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard);
But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!

What does it mean to me personally? Well, I guess it speaks to me because I was wandering, and I did feel forsaken. So I remember reading that verse and feeling like it spoke to me directly.

2) What Hadith (Qudsi or Sunnah of the Prophet salalahi alahi wa salaam) do you find most inspiring and why?

A man came to the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, and said: "O Messenger of Allah, direct me to an act which if I do it, [will cause] Allah to love me and people to love me." He, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, answered: "Be indifferent to the world and Allah will love you; be indifferent to what people possess and they will love you."
[related by Ibn Majah and others with good chains of authorities]

I find this hadith so perfect because it expresses the situation most of us are in. At some time we have all thought, "I want to please Allah, but I also find myself wanting people to like me..." And here is the answer. I love it because it doesn't just give you a "well who cares what people think" response. Subhan'Allah. I love it.

3) Other than the Prophet himself salalahi alahi wa salaam - what Muslim man do you find most inspiring and why?

Umar ibn al-Khattab. I guess because I admire his strength and I am always impressed that he did such a quick flip from wanting to kill the Prophet to being a believer. Also, on a personal level I feel like I did a 180 like that myself. I was studying Islam mostly to prove that women were oppressed and therefore it was a man-made religion... And well you see how that turned out;)

4) Who is the most inspiring Muslim woman to you and why?

Gosh, now that one is hard... I think right now Khadija because she was such a strong person and in my life right now I feel I need to work towards having some of the characteristics she had.

5) What CONTEMPORARY (i.e., living) Muslim do you find most inspiring and why?

Now that's easy. Hamza Yusuf, Hamza Yusuf, and Hamza Yusuf. Just listening to his lectures puts me back in that warm fuzzy idealistic place which I inhabited when I first came to Islam. I have never found another lecturer I like more.

6) How has Islam inspired you in your daily life?

I think more about charity now than I ever did before. I also think more about how I can avoid oppressing anyone in any way. And that goes for my marriage and my children too.

7) If you could do anything at all to inspire others through Islam, how would you do it?

I would love to be able to tour around the world with a group of learned people who LOVE islam and do little week long intensive studies programs for people who are interested in Islam... Even if they are wanting to prove it wrong... Because I believe that if people who really love the deen can talk to people about it long enough they will be the most convincing possible representatives.

You must try...

2008-04-07T10:24:00.003-06:00

I went shopping at Sephoria in Denver and found some gems from a company called Benefit Cosmetics. I have combination skin (don't we all) going more towards oily... I still use Clinique soap, but the rest of my beauty regime has changed to the following:

This is a "lifting cream" which actually does manage to give the face a little firmness. I have been using this night and morning and I LOVE it. You see it officially hit me that I am thirty-something and need to start considering this stuff!LOL

Along the same lines as the firming cream, this one does wonders for the under eye area. Circles and lines gone. I use it day and night and for once in my life I have found an eye cream that doesn't leave me looking like I have seasonal allergies (aka watering red eyes).

Very cool salicylic acid blemish cream. It works... Does it need more of an endorsement?

The final gem, a tinted moisturizer with an spf 15. I have used the clinique version (city block) in the past but it always felt a little greasy. This one is working great for me so far.

Somebody stop me!

2008-04-06T14:41:00.004-06:00

Well, at the end of last week I bought a ticket to ship DH off to Egypt for various family things that I think he needs to do even though he is shy to spend the money on a ticket. I guess I am in full panic mode now that he actually has a date for going because I am cooking and cleaning at full speed. I have re-arranged the living room for the millionth time, installed a closet organiser for DH, gone through all his clothes and separated and organised them, fixed some problems on his computer, swapped printers around between the house and the office, and am in the process of organising all the papers for his business that have been trickling into the house slowly over the winter months (when he hates to go to his office)... Oh and I am rearranging the kids room to include a toddler bed and going through all their clothes for the change of season (and sizes).

I have also been cooking. Sadly enough that means eating too. I haven't been that bad... But I am afraid that I need to get back on track and stop the snacking before I gain back any weight. I have made fried chicken, roasted chicken, baked donuts, pancakes, french toast, blueberry bars, pasta, meatball soup, well... Let's just say lots of stuff. I have the tendency to do this when I am stressed. Go figure. I guess I'd better stop soon. DH actually told me when I offered him the donuts today that I was going to put him into a sugar coma. Not a good sign!LOL

Anyway, I guess I am nervous and excited for DH. I think he really needs this trip. Please keep him in your dua, insha'Allah.

More on whole foods experimentation...

2008-04-02T11:18:00.003-06:00

I made pumpkin pancakes today, and the kids like them a lot so here's the recipe:

1 cup pancake mix (recipe to follow, or just a store mix)
1 cup water
1 tbsp oil
1/2 cup pumpkin puree (fresh or canned)
1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice (optional, but we like it)

Just mix it all up (I mix the liquid and the pumpkin and then add the mix) and cook it on a griddle sprayed with a little oil to prevent sticking. If you have an electric skillet, set it at 350.

Now, I make my own pancake mix... I will admit that it isn't fully whole grain, but come on they are PANCAKES after all!LOL

2 cups powdered buttermilk
4 cups all purpose flour
4 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup sugar
8 tsp baking powder
4 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt

I put it all in a air tight container on which I wrote the directions for making said pancakes in sharpie marker. The container will need to hold about 10 cups. The standard recipe for pancakes is:

1 1/2 cups mix
2 tbsp oil
1 cup water

And for waffles:

2 1/2 cups mix
2 cups water
3 eggs (separated and the whites beaten until stiff)
1/4 cup oil
Basically you mix everything but the whites and then you fold the whites in. It makes unbelievably fluffy waffles. You can skip the thing with the whites but your waffles won't be as fluffy and crispy.

For now, that's it. I have been working on other recipes but mostly from books. The other thing I have been thinking about it yummy things like veggies in tomato sauce and that sort of thing. Truly, the whole menu thing is kinda fun!LOL Now I just have to see what the best sources are for the things I need. I am thinking about using the same company as the local whole foods market. We'll see.

Whole foods and the yum factor

2008-03-27T15:55:00.005-06:00

We eat for so many reasons beyond fueling our bodies. As a mom working towards good eating habits I try to remember that the social and emotional aspects of food are important and just as real as the practical considerations such as cost and nutrition. As I plan for the daycare I am trying to keep this in mind. So, I have started to rethink my stand on hiding foods... My own children I can cagoule, bribe and force if needed. Other peoples children in a large setting... No.

I have been observing in another daycare here in town and am seeing that kids just have their own minds about what they eat. And if they have never been exposed to whole foods how will I get them to eat it? Some things I know won't be a big deal, but other things will be a struggle I'm sure. So I am thinking about hiding veggies in the cooking for the daycare. Of course I would point this out to the parents, but I am thinking it might be a good way to have kids actually eat their veggies rather than just throwing them in the trash.

I have been experimenting with some different recipes and I think there are some with real potential. Even my picky DH liked them. I made a veggie soup with meatballs, blueberry bars with spinach, sweet potato pancakes, and will keep trying more options, insha'Allah. Hopefully I will have this down pat within a few months. Once I open the daycare I will be able to incorporate this idea... I will just have to figure out the transition to a larger scale.

***Somehow the draft of this post published... I just now got to editing it, sorry guys!***

2008-03-21T22:24:00.001-06:00

I want you all to watch this weeks Ask Baba Ali video. I think it brings up an important point. A VERY important point. We have all seen this in the masjid, we all know on some level what he is talking about. It's up to us to stop it. OK, so watch it them come read the next piece of this post.

********************************************************************************

You saw it? OK.

How many times have you been that person complaining? How many times have you been the person with the clipboard? I've been both. Lately I've been the complainer more often, to be honest. And I am thinking that the next time there is something that needs to be done I will just do it, insha'Allah. And I have been thinking a lot about the things that have happened to me in the masjid and thinking that I reacted in the wrong way.

You see I have had some bad experiences with the masjid as far as talking about me, making me feel uncomfortable, saying things to the congregation that were obviously addresses to me... And all I have ever done is complain about it. Not very productive really. I shouldve gone to the people who were doing these things and told them my concerns to their face. Because you see, that is the difference between voicing a legitimate concern and complaining. No one that I have told my stories to can help me with my problem, and I think may have been guilty of using this whining as a way of dealing with my problems. Now, if I had just gone and talked to the people involved I'm sure they would've denied any wrongdoing... But I would have made them think twice before ever doing it again to me or anyone else.

So, here's to picking up a paintbrush instead of running your mouth off. I know I'm going to do my best to implement this idea, insha'Allah.

I love a company with customer service

2008-03-19T15:44:00.003-06:00

When we were in FL DH bought everyone Crocs with the Disney logo in the place of the openings. We were seeing them all over Disney and telling DH I was planning on buying them for the kids. I always have them for the kids summer shoes. So, our last day at Disney without me or the kids to try anything on... He bought 5 pairs of Crocs. 3 of them were the wrong size, including mine. Since there was very little chance of me growing into them, I e-mailed the company to see if maybe I could get another size. Now, I had very little hope in this endeavor since I bought them at Disney. Imagine my shock when I actually got a response. And imagine how happy I was when I got my new shoes in the mail yesterday? I am recommending Crocs highly. I was impressed when a friend got a replacement pair after her daughter's brand new Crocs ripped. But she took them back to the place she bought them at with the receipt blah blah blah. After my situation, I am thinking they are a great company... I for one am impressed with their customer service.

Said I would review it...

2008-03-17T22:08:00.002-06:00

So, DH has been enjoying our order from Masri Sweets for a few days now... But he says that it leaves something to be desired. The filo dough treats were good, but the moushebik and the petit four were only OK. I could've made the petit four, and that is my gold standard.... And DH claims that the moushebic is of the homemade variety. Maybe we are spoiled by the things we get from Misr... Who knows. Basically if I can make it I don't want to pay for it. So I don't think I would give it a thumbs down, "it didn't suck" to quote Showgirls. But, I think I will keep trying different companies.

Halfway mark...

2008-03-17T10:39:00.002-06:00

When I started dieting I was 151 lbs. Way too much for my 5 feet... Just too much. My goal is to make it to 110. This week I hit 130, which means I am halfway to my goal, masha'Allah. There have been setbacks, stalls and I have started longingly at many deserts during that time. However, I feel like I am getting somewhere with this whole weight loss thing... I feel better, my clothes fit, and even though I don't see a big difference in the mirror DH keeps reassuring me that he can see it.

I have been doing a modified South Beach plan. I keep the carbs low, the fiber high. I am getting bored with it though. I wish I could say there is no problem with limiting myself, and I don't miss the foods I have cut out... But I do. I think that I will be able to maintain my weight with more carbs, but to keep losing I have had to limit them. Unfortunately, there are only so many ways you can prepare a chicken breast!LOL And I miss cereal for breakfast!!!

Anyway, just an update on the diet thing... I'm still at it!

Time for an Alhamdulilah...

2008-03-14T13:28:00.002-06:00

I am having a good day in spite of all the things we have hanging over our heads... So I wanted to take time for an Alhamdulilah...

Alhamdulilah for the part that just came for my new espresso machine. I can now finally use it and enjoy a nice cuppa.

Alhamdulilah for a DH who has the money and the patience to help me when I overdraw our bank account for the billionth time.

Alhamdulilah for kisses on the neck from someone I love **blushing**

Alhamdulilah for a sweet baby that takes a morning nap with me when I really need it.

Alhamdulilah for the guy who fixed my glasses in 10 minutes at no charge so I don't have to wear my horrible back-ups all day.

Alhamdulilah for driving away from yet another rental that will never work for us and stumbling onto another place to rent that I think is perfect for us.

Alhamdulilah for spring weather, while it lasts.

A funny from Masr...

2008-03-12T13:45:00.002-06:00

Mubarak was on his death bed and by his side was his closest advisor, Ahmed. As Mubaruak was slipping in and out of consciousness he carried on a conversation with Ahmed about his final wishes...

He says, "Ahmed, we have talked about it many times... But tell me what will you do with my presidency when I pass on?"

"Sir, don't worry. As you wish your presidency will pass to your son Gamal!!! Rest now sir, it will be as you have planned."

Mubaruk sleeps and wakes again asking desperately; "Ahmed, Ahmed!!! And what will happen to the Egyptian people after I pass?"

"Don't worry sir, those ungrateful Egyptians will eat rocks after you die!!!"

Mubarak sleeps and then wakes again with one last desperate question: "Ahmed, Ahmed!!! What about my younger son? Do you remember my plans for him?"

"Of course sir, of course. He will get the exclusive contracts to sell the rocks!!!"

NYUK NYUK NYUK.... Well, I though it was funny anyway;)

Fire Suppression... Or Financial Oppression?

2008-03-12T12:25:00.002-06:00

Masha'Allah we have finally figured out about 90% of the work that needs to be done with the daycare. Now I have one ginormous hurdle remaining... The fire code. Ahhhh, the fire code. Well, it seems that we are the first daycare in WY to have to retrofit a building to meet a new code for daycares and schools. No one knows what this code is, no one has enforced this code before. All the other daycares have been grandfathered in. ** SIGH**

So, right now I don't know what this is going to cost me or how long it will take to install. I have to be up and open by the June though... Or I have to renew my conditional use. So, keep us in your dua because we need it!LOL

After school snack

2008-03-10T18:51:00.003-06:00

I found a cupcake mix from Betty Crocker today at the store... And since I have been thinking of trying to make half a cake mix or something to be able to cut down the number of cupcakes I make at one time, it was perfect. The mix made 12 cupcakes and I used whipped cream infused frosting for a fluffy top. They remind me of clouds, don't you think?